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Top 10 reasons you shouldn't use an amiibo as a sex toy [NSFW]

Please, for the love of all that is holy, do not use an amiibo as a sex toy or butt plug.

Most people only need one reason, but hey. Maybe you're feeling adventurous. Feeling a bit frisky about that Meta Knight statue that's just asking for it. 

So here are 10 reasons you should definitely not use amiibos as butt plugs. 

10. Jesus Christ that shape

As you may have deduced from that Destructoid article about amiibo's as sex toys they're not really the right shape to put in your butt. 

This is a Greninja amiibo: 

There are certainly levels of nope in the sex-toy world, but this is probably near the top. There's basically no part of your lady or dude bits that is getting any sort of enjoyment out of it.

9. WTF is Polystyrene

Polystyrene is what makes up like plastic cutlery, CD cases, and styrofoam. It's also what is in your amiibo. Why? Who knows. They probably didn't think you'd want to use your collectible Mario figurine for that kind of pleasurable situation. 

Why is this relevant? Well because ideally you'd want to a)clean your amiibo before insertion as well as b) actually insert it, and for that you'd want to be sure that it's rated for sex use. 

And polystyrene doesn't pop up on any good list of sex-toy materials. Maybe this means nothing. Maybe it's important. Maybe you should just stick to silicon, Cyberskin, and PVC jelly, like the good book says.

8. Um, waste of money? 

Here's a $20 butt plug from Amazon. With amiibo's coming in at about $13, it's only marginally more expensive. Additionally, depending on the butt plug, you can probably get it with Prime. 

You know what else, it's actually designed to go into the human body. 

7. Once the "butt-plug novelty" wears off, you'll never be able to use it again

Can you imagine looking your Ness amiibo the same way ever again. Good sex story or bad sex story, you've now performed an unforgiveable act on a piece of plastic. With this expression: 

Think of the children.

6. Flared Bases Are Important

Any sex-toy story gone-wrong usually ends with this bit of advice at the end: flared based are important. 

Here's a Reddit thread where people explain how important flared bases are on butt plugs and sex toys

5. There are Better Options

As mentioned  previously, there are plenty of places where you can purchase actual sex toys. There is Amazon of course, but if you want to buy your sex toys from a site that specializes, here are some options: 

Additionally, you probably have a place near you called an "Adult Bookstore." They do not usually sell books, but they do sell sex toys. Go there first. 

4. Seriously, here's some resources for homemade sex toys

But you're eyeing that Mewtwo figurine and thinking  "but Amanda, sex toys cost money." 

Damn right they do. 

As I've illuminated in other portions of this article there are reasons that they are expensive (mostly related to the fact that you should only put good things in your body.)

With that in mind, here is a link to homemade sex toys

3. Your amiibo is forever unclean

Proper sex-toy use involves actually cleaning your sex-toys before and after insertion. I bring this up because, as none of these amiibo's are really "ridged for her pleasure" they are figurines. Look at all those tiny crevices, the folds of their plastic shirts. 

Now imagine ever getting the potential grit or lubricant out of the Wii fitness trainer's yoga pants. 

I don't think you can. 

2. There goes your resale value

Other people have illuminated why in other places, but amiibo's have value. People like to buy them, collect them and make use of them. 

Putting them in your butt is an instant way to devalue them. There is really no delicate way to say that. 

1. Seriously, just don't do it

Don't be that story that we have to write about tomorrow about some 17-year-old kid who read that Destructoid article and was sent to the emergency room cause Charizard does not make a good butt plug. 

Published Jan. 7th 2016

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