I Hate You, Candy Crush Saga; A Review Written Out of Sheer Frustration.

Seriously...just look at Candy Crush up there. I can't even....

I hate you, Candy Crush Saga. This isn’t a love story stemming from hatred. I genuinely hate you and would cause you physical harm if I could reach through Facebook to do it.

A little back story about me and Candy Crush.

I met this cutie of a game at work one day. I was extremely bored since I was mostly there to just cover the phones. I had heard good things about Candy Crush. Yeah, she’d been around a few times, but who hasn’t these days? I was attracted to her vibrant colors and interesting combo moves. Not to mention I could gloat my achievements to all my friends through Facebook. Our relationship started as my obsession.

Time to rethink my new obsession.

It was soon after I had used all my lives that things started to go sour. Candy Crush Saga became a gold digger - and unlike Kanye West, I am a broke.. Well, you know the lyrics. I was having to beg my friends for lives like some homeless person panhandling by the stop light. It got embarrassing.

If the above wasn’t bad enough, as soon as I used up all the “special candies” used in my combo moves, Candy started pestering me for money again. I was able to dodge her greedy hand for a few levels but then I got to the timed levels. 40,000 points in 60 seconds. No big deal, right? WRONG! (grumble, grumble, grumble). She was just asking way too much from me.

It is pretty much impossible for our relationship to go any further. She refuses to budge until I put some cents in her pocket. Until I can get some friends to send me lives and candies, Candy Crush Saga and I are over. I bet this is how Anna Nicole Smith’s husband felt before he died.

Published May. 9th 2013
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