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Armor? The Dragon's Crown Amazon Doesn't Need Armor

It's almost cheating, but the Amazon Armor from Dragon's Crown is the clear winner.

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A scenario, if you will: 

The Amazon knew what she wanted the moment she dropped into the local blacksmiths shop. She'd had to duck her head in. 

"Pauldron's? A chest plate?" The smithy had asked, eyes towards her freakishly muscular frame. 

But the Amazon knew what she wanted. 

"A chainmail bikini please! Scaly so that it will deflect arrows and cover my no-no areas." She said, the blacksmiths eyes going cross.

"Are you sure? That seems completely ridiculous." He cautioned.

"Oh right." She had sighed. The smithy relaxed. "I suppose that my shins need to be covered. For what is a warrior without shiny metallic shin guards." 

"Uh, a sensible human being?" The smithy postulated. "Are you sure that there is nothing else you need? The way is dangerous. There are people with sharp pointy things." 

"I suppose a gold bicep band would be tres chic." She said, throwing her giant battleaxe on top of the counter. "Do we have a deal." 

And with that, the Amazon took her scale mail bikini and shiny metallic boots, hopefully off for a career in punting small woodland creatures as that was all she was outfitted for. 

End.

The armor is the standard armor for the Amazon class in Dragon's Crown. I've never played the game since it looks like it's targeted towards a slightly different demographic, but as it's the standard armor I believe it gives you no rewards other than her heaving bosoms. 

Originally Published Feb. 8th 2014

Associate Editor

Former rugby player, social media person, and occasional writer.

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Comments
  • 41
    Amazon Eliza Steel 8 months ago
    Featured Contributor
    Gad, the thighs on her! If I ever need a tag-team partner I know who to call!
  • 56
    Rothalack 9 months ago
    Staff Editor
    Whoever drew this character has some.... issues haha. It's creeped me out every time I've seen it since it's release. The mage girl or whoever from the game is just a tiny bit more bearable, but she has a.......... problem too haha.
  • 60
    Amanda Wallace 9 months ago
    Associate Editor
    I believe the problem you speak of are breasts and thighs like a KFC chicken.
  • 56
    Rothalack 9 months ago
    Staff Editor
    Her thighs aren't too out of wack. It's just the ration of breast to waist is ridiculous.
  • 21
    DemonicSkies 9 months ago
    Correspondent
    I am happy to report Elder Scrolls Online is not this bad (yet). The armor in Dragon's Crown turned me off trying the game completely, I can't take this shit seriously anymore.

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