Oh god.
Well, that was a gut punch.
For those of you who haven’t watched the latest episode of Game of Thrones yet, maybe stop reading now. SPOILERS BELOW.
After weeks upon weeks of teasing, it finally looks like we’ll get the ultimate confrontation we’ve been waiting for between Jaime Lannister and the High Sparrow.
Too bad everyone’s favorite character died beforehand. The loss of Hodor capped off an episode that was, once again, wildly different from our usually-accurate WWE 2K16 simulation. That said, we have learned from our mistakes, and have made changes to the system’s algorithms to make it more accurate.
According to the preview and teaser text for this next episode, two confrontations will take place. One is, of course, Jaime’s face-off with the High Sparrow, while the other is Arya’s (presumably final) test on her path to follow the many-faced god.
ROUND 1: JAIME LANNISTER vs. THE HIGH SPARROW (STEEL CAGE MATCH)
When Jaime and his army finally confront the High Sparrow as Margaery is about to make her walk of shame, there will be nowhere to hide. The key to this battle will be getting in and out quick, and for Jaime that means either killing all the Sparrows, or getting Margaery back and escaping the square unharmed.
The High Sparrow’s strategy is similar. Either his army of Sparrows can kill Jaime and his men, or he can simply hold them off long enough to force Margaery to take the walk of shame and then escape unharmed.
Sounds like the perfect setup for a steel cage match.
As should be expected, the battle will begin with Jaime relying on his brute strength to push the High Sparrow and his followers back.
This will give Jaime’s side the advantage, and he’ll use it to, well, push harder, forcing the Sparrows up against the wall of the square. Jaime will then proceed to lower his shoulder into the High Sparrow’s ribs, most likely breaking at least 4 of them and causing massive internal bleeding.
Then he’ll just straight up dropkick the High Sparrow in the face, because why not?
Soon, however, Jaime will be caught unawares, and the High Sparrow will be able to take the upper hand, smashing Jaime’s knee into the ground to make his escape more difficult.
Then, to repay him for that dropkick earlier, the High Sparrow will follow up with a front-facing full nelson suplex. It’s worth noting that this move has been illegal in King’s Landing ever since The Mad King Aerys Targaryen used the dangerous move to cement his rule.
Jaime, enraged that the High Sparrow would not only use an illegal fighting move, but also that he has used the signature move of the king that Jaime himself killed, will quickly recover.
He will slam the High Sparrow to the ground with a swift Kingslayer, and attempt to finish the job.
The High Sparrow will escape however, forcing Jaime to take the safe route.
Jaime will quickly scale one of the square’s walls with Margaery, ensuring that even if the Sparrows pursued them, they’d have more than enough time to retreat to the castle before being caught.
It’s an incomplete victory for Jaime, who left the leader of the Sparrows alive. Cersei hasn’t truly exacted a full revenge yet, and Jaime will not be able to find true satisfaction until the High Sparrow is dead and buried. That said, the fact remains that Margaery has been rescued and for all intents and purposes, and the Sparrows have no concrete power in King’s Landing anymore. That’s a win in anybody’s book.
ROUND 2: ARYA vs. THE WAIF (LADDER MATCH)
If the preview is anything to go by, this Sunday will see Jaqen H’ghar giving Arya her final test to see if she is truly fit to become a servant of the many-faced god. And our incredibly accurate simulation has revealed that this test will see her and The Waif each going after the same target. And as is the tradition for The Faceless Men of Braavos, the target is a briefcase full of money suspended from a rope in a large arena. If you don’t know that, you should probably read the books. They’re super different from the show.
The test will begin, and Arya will start by, uh, doing…this?
I guess that’s why the show’s on HBO.
Anyway, Arya, as should be expected, begins determinedly, attempting to incapacitate The Waif and ensure that she can get to the briefcase first.
The Waif, composed as ever, recovers and single-mindedly focuses on the objective. She immediately finds the ladder she must use to retrieve the briefcase, but before attempting to pull it down, she decides to test it out on Arya.
While The Waif is bringing her ladder to the briefcase, Arya has found her own ladder and is making progress as well.
The Waif isn’t having any of that. She quickly finds a folding chair deep in the depths of the House Of Black And White, and overcome with rage and jealousy, wails on Arya with it.
But Arya doesn’t flinch. She regains her composure and summons up her strength to lift The Waif clean above her head, slamming her down to the cold ground below.
The Waif’s strength is not to be underestimated, however. After she recovers, she surprises Arya with a sucker punch that leaves her out cold.
This is The Waif’s chance. Arya is out cold, and the ladder is right there. The Waif sets it up and begins to try to pull the briefcase down in order to dash Arya’s hopes of ever belonging to The House Of Black And White.
But in her haste to achieve her goal, she has forgotten all about little Arya Stark, who has recovered from her injuries and is not ready to give up just yet. Struggling to her feet, Arya sees her last chance.
And she takes it.
With a mighty roar, Arya topples the ladder and sends The Waif tumbling to the hard, cold ground below.
The Waif is killed instantly on impact, and blood splatters everywhere. What’s black and white and red all over?
A particular house in Braavos after Arya’s test.
Now all that’s left is for Arya to pull the briefcase down and claim her spot as a true servant of the many-faced god.
Arya has grown into a full-fledged assassin, surpassing even The Waif, but Jaqen H’ghar remains unconvinced that Arya is truly nameless. His curiosity has been piqued for too long not to see this through, however. He welcomes Arya to the fold truly, and allows Arya the use of the faces in the hall.
Only time will tell what Arya plans to use them for, but just as a quick reminder for those keeping score at home, there are plenty of people left on her list.
What do you think? Do you have any predictions for episode 6 of this season of Game of Thrones? Let us know in the comments! Oh, and by the way, for any of you holding a fan memorial service for the character who died on the last episode, let us know and we’ll be there. Just, you know, hold the door for us.
