5 Battles You Can -- and Should -- Recreate in Ultimate Epic Battle Simulator

The Battle of Sandwich

The Battle of Sandwich was in the year 1217 between French and English forces. At the time, the French had laid siege to England and had held much of it for almost a year. However, a recent battle meant that the French needed reinforcements and they were to come by sea.

Now, why were the French invading England, you might ask? Because the crown prince of France, Prince Louis, accepted the Magna Carta rebel barons’ proposition that he could take over as the king of England if he helped conquer it.

The fleet that was sent was arranged by his wife, which was extremely out of place for the time, and “his notorious admiral, Eustace, a farting, foul-mouthed, cross-dressing monk”. Eustace was later executed when he was captured as a prisoner. The English also used innovative tactics to defeat their opponents, as well, such as using quicklime missiles to blind the French.

This mural depicts the French flagship being captured and Eustace being killed. 

The whole thing is oddly off-key from the start. I mean the battle itself is named Sandwich. The whole setup sounds like a clunky premise that a bad video game would use when it wants to excuse why your main character is invading another country at the start of a game. And then there is the kick ass wife and the cross-dressing monk. You can’t make up this stuff.

Sadly, I don’t think that naval combat is currently possible in Ultimate Epic Battle Simulator, but that is just fine since it is currently in Steam Greenlight anyhow. There is plenty of time to add that in and I am a patient man. Until then, you can just come up with wacky combinations of troops to honor the spirit of the Battle of Sandwich.

Published Apr. 22nd 2017

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