Call of Duty DLC to Feature Snoop Dogg Voiceovers

This is the sound that a slain giant makes before it crashes to the ground.

No, no really I didn't just make this up. For two dollars and ninety nine cents, you -- yes lucky lucky you -- can have Snoop Dogg narrate all the multiplayer voice prompts in-game for Call of Duty: Ghosts. It is just one segment of a series of "customization items" that will be on offer to purchase on the 22nd of April.

To many it sounds like a caricature of a caricature of Snoop Dogg "rackin' points with his homies in the joint with a brother from another mother" (yeah, he says all those things..yeah, I put them all together for comic effect). 

To me, it sounds like a death wail for the once mighty-- nay-- gargantuan monster, that was the Call of Duty giant. The pinnacle in monopolised "laissez-faire" gaming entertainment.

Keepin' it real

I hear the tearing sound of flesh and sinew, as the wooden stake is driven through Activision's soulless heart. For years it has bled dry innocent civilians; its insatiable thirst for profit margins ever-increasing. Those who have been stricken by its curse have in turn been left with their own insatiable and inexplicable desire to keep paying more money to play the same game. For all of eternity.

And now, this weird, overgrown, fictitious and absurd amalgamation of a Vampire Man-Dragon metaphor-- so tortuously concocted inside my imagination -- now keels over. And it begs of its own believers to just worship him this one last time. I was there first hand for the allegorical press release. In my head.

"My worshippers! If you will just spare me a moments decency, for I have one last thing to share with you! Before you permanently decide to leave for the Titan Brotherhood- I have some sound bytes recorded of Snoop Dogg saying stuff in a cool way..NO HANS, NOT LIKE ICE CUBE, IT'S FAR MORE STEREOTYPI- *ahem* , err..Hip.  

My fellow worshippers, before you go forever - please spare me the remaining nickels and lint in your pockets."

And the followers, how they did flock to pay tribute to its fallen leader. They threw various pennies and notes at the bloated monster, which in return gave them things they already had, but didn't realise they possessed. Not in a spiritual sense, but in a very literal con artist sort of way (see the $3.99 Soap Mac Tavish multiplayer skin).

And the beast laid, belly up, staring toward the stars. For what had seemed an eternity, was in fact less than a decade. The end was not now, but it would be soon enough.

Featured Contributor

Eats old food from beard, fuels tobacco habit with cigarette ends found at local bus stop. Donates charitable sums of money to the poker community.

Published Apr. 16th 2014
  • Hobo With A Keyboard
    Featured Contributor
    Hahahahaha.....Yes Elijah, shallow! But what isn't shallow about mindless FPS shooters? I'm not saying this in a condescending way by the way. I also play battlefield 4 when it decides it wants to run longer than 25 minutes, and various other shoot 'em ups.

    The thing is I'm not against this DLC being available as such, it just struck me as somewhat desperate when I saw it. Of course they'll probably pull in a million or more from it, so I guess they're the ones laughing!

    The worst thing is, I did go through the process of whether I'd buy this pack had I owned the game. I don't think I would, but I did give it proper consideration. I think It would be hilarious for 20 minutes then I'd just end up attacking my television when I'd heard "a brother from another mother" the 100th time in 90 seconds. And it's nearly 2 quid to pay for that benefit!

    Oh and Rothalack, I can't deny that that would be amazing to be fair.

    Just in case you haven't seen this little gem of genius. I think I'd have Walken on my Xbox one if I owned one:
  • Elijah Beahm
    Featured Columnist
    ...while I agree this is a sign of Activision having gone way over the deep end in terms of DLC (especially with all the smaller DLC they've also been tossing out), but still, I want my Bruce Campbell voice pack DLC for Battlefield 4,COD Ghosts, Killzone 3, and Assassin's Creed 4: Black Flag. It'd actually give me a reason to pick Ghosts back up from it's idle place whilst other games get played. Shallow?
  • Rothalack
    Master O' Bugs
    I CALLED IT!!! Wooop. It's only a matter of time before more and more famous voices get into this. I dream of the day I can buy, for $20-$50, Morgan Freemans voice for my Xbox One. One day one day Morgan Freeman will respond to me when I talk to the Xbox.

    My other thought on the idea, you could get every single large youtuber to do this. I guarentee we'll see this. I could see everyone from Polaris sell their voices for $1. I'm excited :)

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