5 Video Game Characters and Their Sucky Lives


Animal Crossing

An unusual choice? Yes. Fitting? Most certainly.

Let’s break it down.

In Animal Crossing, you play as a human child who awakes in the back of a car driven by a weird duck/turtle-thing named Kapp’n. This creature is based off the Kappa, a Japanese mythical creature that kidnaps naughty children as punishment. Off to a pretty shaky start, right?

Then he? It? It (let's go with that) takes you to this town run by animals. Immediately, they put you to work to pay off the mountain of debt you now owe them due to the house they made you move into, which totally sucks by the way (just look it up, you'll see). And if you try to leave, the animals will stop you and explain how the other villagers expect things of you. Like it’s the common thing to do.

Forcing children to work for a group of animals within their secluded little town is the norm apparently. Eesh.

So just pay off the debt right?

Wrong. Every time you work your ass off long enough to do so, the animals go and upgrade that bad boy. Even if you tell them no. This way, you’re trapped under an ever-increasing pile of debt for something you didn’t want in the first place. You’re even forced to repeat the same menial tasks and minigames over and over once you’ve tried them all in order to progress through the different houses, which is about all the story you get.

Sounds like some freaky Twilight Zone junk ,am I right? Just hope they don’t start wishing people away to the cornfield.

Published Apr. 8th 2017

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