9 Pokemon That Are Too Kinky for a Kid's Game

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Have you ever played Pokémon and thought, "This is for kids?"

Based on appearances alone, one would assume that Pokémon is a game for kids. Still, I think we've all had moments where we looked at certain Pokémon and thought, "who approved this?" If you've ever had these thoughts, you're not alone. And if you haven't, we're about to ruin your childhood.

Whether it was an intentional choice from Game Freak or a series of unintentional slip ups, people decided that these Pokémon were great additions to the children's game we all know and love. We at GameSkinny have compiled a list of 9 Pokémon that no child should have been exposed to.

1. Diglett

Pokedex Entry (Yellow Version): "It prefers dark places. It spends most of its time underground, though it may pop up in caves."

NSFW Moves: Astonish, Fissure

It's been a widely held belief that Diglett looks, well, phallic. In Pokemon Go!, its animation features the "mole Pokemon" bobbing up and down in its hole. If that isn't innuendo, I don't know what is. I don't even want to know what's going on with Dugtrio.

2. Weepinbell

Pokedex Entry (Yellow Version): "When hungry, it swallows anything that moves. Its hapless prey is melted inside by strong acids." 

NSFW Moves: Wring Out, Growth

When its hungry, Weepinbell swallows its prey whole and lets it melt in its mouth. I have so many questions. It seems like Weepinbell is the indiscriminate type, but why does it look so surprised then? Does it like to pretend like it usually doesn't swallow anything that moves? Judging by how wide it can open its mouth, I'd say Weepinbell knows what its about to get itself into.

3. Cubone

Pokedex Entry (Red/Blue Version): "Because it never removes its skull helmet, no one has ever seen this Pokémon's real face."

NSFW Moves: Bone Club, Bonemerang, Bone Rush

If you've read any of the articles about dark Pokedex entries, you'll know that Cubone has some pretty severe mommy issues. (If you don't know, he wears his mother's skull on his head and cries a lot because he misses her.) What no one seems to be talking about is the fact that he's a masked sadist who wants to hurt others with his bone.

4. Lickitung

Pokedex Entry (Red/Blue Version): "Its tongue can be extended like a chameleon's. It leaves a tingling sensation when it licks enemies."

NSFW Moves: Lick, Me First, Power Whip

I was always under the impression that "tingling sensation" was a phrase exclusively used in ads for personal lubricants, but apparently, Lickitung is just that skilled. Still, its abilities seem better suited for the adult industry rather than assisting an 11-year-old in becoming a Pokemon master.

5. Cloyster

Pokedex Entry (Gold Version): "Once it slams its shell shut, it is impossible to open, even by those with superior strength."

NSFW Moves: Hydro Pump, Rapid Spin

I feel like there are a lot of problems with this one. What sea creature is a sideways clam with two sets of lips? Despite the fact that Cloyster is not an accurate representation of a sea-dwelling mollusk, it does closely resemble a part of human anatomy.

6. Jynx

Pokedex Entry (Red/Blue Version): "It seductively wiggles its hips as it walks. It can cause people to dance in unison with it."

NSFW Moves: Lick, Pound, Draining Kiss

I remember specifically never keeping Jynx on my team as a child because it freaked me out. Still, Jynx is unique in the fact that it might have the most well-endowed chest of any Pokemon. However, it also doesn't understand the meaning of consent. With its seductive wiggle of the hip, Jynx is undoubtedly the most overtly sexual Pokemon there is.

7. Sudowoodo

Pokedex Entry (Gold Version): "Although it always pretends to be a tree, its composition appears to be closer to a rock than a plant."

NSFW Moves: Harden, Slam, Head Smash

Sudowoodo looks like a flasher trying to expose itself to unsuspecting children. I also feel like any Pokemon with the word "wood" in its name shouldn't have the move "harden." It just seems wrong on so many levels. No one wants to get "slammed" by this hardened rock-like Pokemon.

8. Lopunny

Pokedex Entry (Alpha Sapphire): "The ears appear to be delicate. If they are touched roughly, it kicks with its graceful legs."

NSFW Moves: Baby-Doll Eyes, Mud Sport

There's something about Lopunny that I think is just too "come hither." That plus the whole "bunny" thing makes this Pokémon a little too sexually charged for my comfort level. Maybe kids don't understand the innuendo with rabbits and their rate of procreation, but I still feel like this one could have been toned down a little.

9. Palpitoad

Pokedex Entry (Omega Ruby): "When they vibrate the bumps on their heads, they can make waves in water or earthquake-like vibrations on land."

NSFW Moves: After You

Palpitoad is literally a "vibration Pokemon." It is clearly a personal massager. Aside from the tail, there is nothing tadpole-like about this Pokemon. No child should see this in a Pokemon game. It's just too weird.

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If you've made it this far, hopefully, it means you aren't curled up in a ball, crying over your lost innocence. Unfortunately, now that you've seen this, you'll never be able to unsee it. Still, I don't think any of us can say that we never got a slight inkling that some of these Pokémon weren't the best idea to put in a kid's game.

Have we ruined your childhood yet? Are there any Pokemon we missed in this list? Let us know in the comments below!

Published Apr. 29th 2017

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