How to Get Your Boyfriend into Gaming

A practical guide for an insanely difficult task

A practical guide for an insanely difficult task
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Never let it be said that GameSkinny isn’t an equal opportunity website. Last week we laid out some critical advice for getting your girlfriend into gaming, but this week we’re turning the tables. Get ready, girls and boys, for some hot tips on how to get that obstinate boy who faints dead away at the sight of a controller to indulge in your favorite hobby.

1. Savage, Murderous Violence

The only thing boys like more than massacring things in the bloodiest way imaginable is being brutally murdered themselves, so be sure to scour the shelves for the most hyper-violent games you can find (it may be difficult, but be persistent in your search).

Shooters are a great choice in this category, so anything with Call of Duty written on the box is an excellent choice, and also comes with bonus features like internet homophobia and the world’s filthiest obscenities all tumbling from the mouths of twelve year olds. Human males love this stuff.

2. It’s About the B00bs, Bra(h)

When Earth’s men aren’t busy savagely hacking or blasting each other/various animals to bloody gibs, they enjoy staring at lascivious pixelated simulations of hyper-sexualized and often impossibly contorted females, ideally clad in as little as possible.

If you’re looking to get your boyfriend into games, a fantastic gateway is through the magical world of female anatomy, as tastefully represented by games like Dragon’s Crown or the staggering glut of Japanese hentai games available. Find that your boyfriend’s fragile mind can’t handle all those “super weird” Japanese characters? Stick to some simple American barely-veiled pornography, artful classics like DOA Beach Volleyball.

3. Tools, What are For Buildin’ Stuff

Finally, as we’re all keenly aware, boys love tools (especially ones powered by electricity). Something about bashing at things with a hammer or flailing away at something with a cordless band saw satisfies a boy’s primitive nature, so keep your eyes peeled for games that appeal to that lizard stem of men’s brains.

Games like Minecraft may fit the bill here, but we also strongly recommend the Bob the Builder Tool Shed game, available online. The bright colors and simple interface will soothe your boyfriend’s natural tendency towards carnage long enough for his baboon mind to seize on the fun of playing with simulated tools.

About the author

Alan Bradley

Getting played by video games since the '80s. Host of the Pictures Changing Podcast (pictureschanging.blogspot.com) and notorious raconteur.