Ladies, Avert Your Eyes – The Male Equivalent of Boobalicious Is Here

The greatest warrior! With the...greatest equipment?

The greatest warrior! With the...greatest equipment?

Penny Arcade recently covered the much-critiqued gender imbalance in video games with the comic above. Lady characters are pictured as having massive, bouncy breasts that in an actual battle would be little more than painful fun-bags. But would men be as interested in playing characters if they were represented as having massive genitalia? 

Not only is that throbbing piece of terrifying manhood hard to walk with (like, say the unrealistic proportions of a female character whose spine would snap if confronted with Earths’ gravity) but he possesses all the outward signs of what we identify as masculinity. His great bush of chest hair. His pecs and then under his pecs and than his abs. He is really quite a fine figure of a man. Except for his terrifying man meat. 

It is a little ridiculous. His stubbly anaconda is hardly a precise equivalent to the bouncing breasts and jiggle physics so prevalent in gaming today. And some may argue that the male equivalent of gravity-defying fun bags are muscular pecs. But women can be muscular as well, and frankly, while this is funnier than more true to life, it’s still nice to see a man being encumbered by his sexy bits. 

Especially since the new Resident Evil Revelations DLC included a female version of the popular character the Hunk. You can tell she’s a lady because she doesn’t have any pants. 

Until the day this becomes as universally silly as Mr. Anaconda/True Warrior up there, I think a little humor is necessary. 

If you want to check out the uncensored version, here is the original Penny Arcade strip and the more detailed Airborne Studios render. Be prepared for some terrifying man-meat. 

About the author

Amanda Wallace

Former rugby player, social media person, and occasional writer.