Only baddies and morons want hacks

If you feel like you need to cheat at, you need to git gud.

If you feel like you need to cheat at, you need to git gud.

Question: What type of person wants to cheat in

Answer: Someone who is terrible at video games and probably isn’t too bright.

Apparently hacks are in demand despite the game being terribly simple and, ultimately, not very difficult.

What makes the fact that there are people actively trying to ruin the game even worse is that they’re dense enough to fill out a bunch of surveys and download potentially malicious software and add-ons to cheat in a browser game.

A quick Google search leads you to a bunch of sketchy sites asking you to fill out surveys to get the downloads. Does this not make alarms go off in your head? It should, especially considering there are no regularly publicly available downloads of these so-called hacks. There is no guarantee any of this software even works, much less that it doesn’t contain a keylogger, bitcoin miner, or other malicious tidbits.

One “hack” in particular claims it can make you gain double size when eating other cells. Here’s a protip for you: That is literally not something that can be altered user-side. This “hack” is trying to sell you snake oil in exchange for survey revenue and getting malicious software on your computer.

Instead of infecting your computer to get an “edge” over the competition in a simple browser game (I cannot emphasize enough now pathetic it is in the first place that a person would want to cheat in a browser game with no permanent progression), how about you do the following:

Git gud.

Stop being a scrub and expecting to be great at a game after playing it for a couple hours. You are not God’s gift to free browser games. You’re just someone who is bad at And that’s okay, because practice makes perfect and you clearly need practice.

I wrote an article with a bunch of tips and advice on how to git gud at, but honestly all you need is a little patience. Work on those reflexes and learn when to split, how to juke effectively, and how to use obstacles properly.

Don’t download potentially malicious software just to maybe have an edge over other players. Chances are you’ll suck just as much if the software even works (which it probably does not). And please, learn to use the internet safely and don’t download sketchy software willy-nilly.

But hey, if you don’t like the message I’ve conveyed above, by all means try to hunt me down on one of the many US East servers. If you see a Yaranaika, it may just be me. If you see a BEATRICE-SAMA, it’s definitely me. Good luck, though.

About the author

Ashley Shankle

Ogryns are good lads. Simple as. Anyway, I'm basically a human tornado and I love jank. Also simple as.