To go off on a story reported earlier, X-Box launched an “app” that allows you to order a pizza from your X-Box console. Ya know, I’m all for this, but it’s not a new idea.
Old school gamers will remember Everquest II had this same exact thing in 2005. /PIZZA launched a web browser so you could order a ‘za without leaving the game. Well, you had to swap to the browser interface, but it was basically staying in world. Blizzard parodied it with /panda, which promised “If your food isn’t delivered in 30mins by a person dressed in a Pandaren costume, you eat FREE!” On April 1st, 2005. Dang it.
But the X-Box app is a real thing. Order from your couch, pizza appears at your door. But it got me thinking, why stop there? Why stop at a simple x-box app or having to type in a command? Why not use some of these metrics that I keep hearing about the evil overlords of gaming collecting to actually help the player in a tangible way? Stay with me, I think I smell a gold mine opportunity here.
DUM DA DAAAA!!!!! PIZZAMAN IS HERE!
So my thought. Players opt into the “pizza program”, and submit their paypal information as well as their favorite pizza type and address. The system monitors their playing habits. If a player starts making simple mistakes, has been playing for 5-6+ hours straight, starts using specific words in chat that are deemed as “irritable speech” or even if they overcome a specific volume / DB level in open voice chat, the system places an order for them because obviously they’re hungry and forgot to eat again.
Or if that’s too forward thinking, we could make it an in-game character that comes by. You could make it a mideval guy wearing a delivery hat or a superhero called “PizzaMan” or whatever fits the genre. He (or she, let’s not get sexist!) then opens a dialogue with your character and says “You look like you could use something to eat. Shall I order you some food?” If you say yes, the system places an order for delivery. Bam. Pizza.
But why stop there? I want /TACO! I want /SUBSAMMICH! I want /GYRO! /PASTA! /FRIEDCHICKEN! I want to have hundreds of delivery people at my beck and call to bring me food so I don’t have to interact with those damned elitist jerk people at the grocery store! Cooking? Yeah my toon has that maxed but I burn jello in real life. say…. /JELLO! /RAMEN! /MICROWAVE!
YES! The ULTIMATE! You type in /MICROWAVE and your net-enhanced microwave dispenses a heater meal, warms it, and pings you in world when it’s ready! And at that point, attach the meal to an RC car, and have it delivered so you never have to get up either! And this could… lead to… err…
…
On second thought, let’s stick to drive-thru. At least there I have to actually go outside and walk to my car at the very least. Speaking of that, cheese curds sounds really good right now….
/CHEEZECURDS! Dang. Where’s my car keys….
