The 7 Best Games That Nobody Bought

The world can be a messed up place. You’ve got wars, famines and the like. Sometimes you even get masterpieces of gaming that sell poorly because people are too busy gobbling up Medalfield of Duty: Suite Life on Deck 6. If you are one such gobbler, then I shall enlighten you with the 7 best games that nobody bought so that your tastes are no longer offensively plebeian.

 

7) Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow (and most other GBA/DS releases of the series)

Castlevania is a popular, long-running series that has been on way too many platforms to bother listing. In its many iterations, there have been different types of Castlevania games: some are 2D and linear (like the original), some are Metroidvanias (genre name partially taken from this series; a lot of the titles are like this), and some are God of War rip-offs (the most recent in the series.)

Both the Nintendo DS and Game Boy Advance have a few really well made Metroidvania style Castlevania entries with tons of hours worth of gameplay. Over the years, however, most games tired of this formula causing these handheld releases to sell poorly which is why we’re stuck with the Lord of Shadow games.

If you want to give one of these games a try, I suggest either Aria of Sorrow or Portrait of Ruin. The former is generally held to be the best of the Game Boy Advance series (for good reason) and while the latter isn’t as highly regarded as Order of Ecclesia, I think it has some unique mechanics to it that make it worth a playthrough.

 

6) Valkyria Chronicles

Valkyria Chronicles is a strategy RPG for the Playstation 3 set in what is essentially an alternate universe Europe during WW2.

The settings and characters for VC are almost painfully anime-esque, which is both a strength and a weakness. If you’re into that sort of thing, you will probably love the diverse cast of characters and quickly become attached to them as you progress through the game.

Except this guy. Fuck this guy.

Even if you’re not into the characters, VC has a lot of appeal in its gameplay. If you’re even only passingly interested in strategy RPGs, the game should be relatively cheap by now and is definitely worth picking up.

 

5) UmJammer Lammy

UmJammer Lammy is the rock’n’roll version of Parappa the Rapper. Not quite as successful, but still every bit as awesome and well regarded, this game was every bit as fun and quirky as its hip-hop brother.

Slayer, eat your heart out.

Whether it’s metal, funk, or the vaguely Bollywood-esque idol song at the end, there’s music for everyone to enjoy jamming to. This game makes a lot of improvements over its predecessor by adding in both co-op and vs. mode, as well as letting you replay through levels as Parappa.

This is up on the PSN for less than $10. You have no excuse. Go forth and shred.

 4) No More Heroes

Released originally on the Wii and remade in HD for the PS3 as No More Heroes: Heroes’ Paradise, No More Heroes is probably the best game released for the Nintendo Wii. Not only is it a fun game with an entertaining story, but it’s also got a game mechanic that requires you to wiggle the Wiimote like you’re touching your nono place in a pleasurable manner.

Masterpiece of gaming.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if Tarantino took the violence from Kill Bill and threw it into a 3D beat’em up with an idiotic Japanophile as the protagonist? NMH is probably up your alley then. Come for the masturbation jokes, stay for the exquisite gameplay.

3) Jet Grind Radio

I have made my love of this game known on the site before, but Jet Grind Radio is the kind of game I can talk about for hours and hours. Despite the game being well received, it didn’t sell all that well. This was most likely due to it being on the tragically short lived Dreamcast.

In the time of Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater and its many rip-offs, Jet Grind Radio went against the trend by being cartoon-y and about spray painting the town with some arcade gameplay instead of trying to get the most points by doing kick flips.

This game has accrued a large cult following, so, you have most likely heard of it before. If you have not played it, it’s on steam for cheap so pick it up, you dingus.

 

 

2) The Darkstalkers Franchise

The Darkstalkers series is criminally underrated and undersold. Aside from the various collections being released over the years, there hasn’t been a new entry since 1997. Capcom cruelly dangled the possibility of a new entry in front of our faces based off of the success of Resurrection, but those hopes were most likely killed when it didn’t live up to their grossly unrealistic expectations.

My favorite of the series is Darkstalkers 3/Vampire Savior. The high speed gameplay and diverse cast of monster characters makes for some truly great matches. Plus, it’s got Q. Bee.

You a pretty fine bee, won’t you back that sting up?

While you’re not going to find this game at EVO, you can find a decent amount of people to play with on the PSN and XBLA releases of Darkstalkers: Resurrection. Buy it multiple times so we can eventually see a sequel.

1) Gitaroo Man

 If UmJammer Lammy wasn’t an indicator, I have a soft spot for rhythm games. Gitaroo Man is a coming-of-age story of sorts filled with some bodacious tunes.

I played this game at the right time in my teenaged years to really bond with it and identify with the main character. This game holds a special place in my heart. It also holds an even more important place in my ears for having such a tasty soundtrack.

Flamenco guitar in my Japanese game? More likely thank you’d think.

The best part about this game? It’s got a really fun and unique take on the rhythm genre. You’re not just pressing face buttons, they mixed in controlling the analog stick to add a bit more depth to the gameplay.

Gitaroo Man is, unfortunately, a pretty rare game. You can get it used for a bit over $20 on Amazon, but if you want to pick up a sealed copy, you’re going to have to pay a little more.

Now that I’ve listed the 7 best games that nobody bought, do you have something to say? Do you think that my taste is great, run-of-the-mill, awful? Do you have a favorite game that sold poorly? Let me know in the comments.

---