Get Smashed and Button Mash: 10 Drunk Gaming Classics

Ten classic games to enjoy while under the influence.

Let’s face it, there is nothing more exhilarating than a session of drunk gaming.  Whether you’re getting "hammered" with friends and passing the “sticks,” or you’ve struck out at the bar and are curing your loneliness with some late-night button mashing, drunk gaming is a national pastime for any boozy inclined gamer. 

Sit back and crack one open, as I have compiled a list of the best games to play while “sloshed”, “hammered”, “plastered”, or whatever your synonym of choice may be.

Street Fighter

It is a well-known fact that booze and brawlers go hand-in-hand.  It's also known (between my friends at least) that I have almost come to real-life fisticuffs on several occasions over drunken bouts of Street Fighter II: Hyper Fighting.  There is nothing more satisfying than pulling off a meticulous combo while riding high on a sudsy buzz – and yet – nothing more frustrating than getting beat by your button mashing best friend who just recently discovered the long and dreadful arm reach of Dhalsim.

Counterstrike 1.6

It has been proven that drunkenness actually makes you better at CS.  Okay, not really, but it seems to be the common consensus among those who try at least.  Best played alone in the dark, the adrenaline combined with alcohol creates some sort of superhuman über concentration – morphing you into an elite marksman you have never experienced with yourself.  Great for nights when you leave the party or a bar without someone to take home.  Throw on the headset, talk some trash, maybe a little verbal abuse to your fellow players, and viola! You’ll forget all about that cute redhead that was into photography, or that strapping fellow with whom you made meaningful eye-contact with.

Dark Souls

Blood, swords, brutality…you couldn’t ask for a better combination when looking to unleash your drunken rage.  Slay an Asylum Demon and feel like a god among mortals, all while celebrating your victory in real life with a nice flagon of ale, or goblet of red wine.

Grand Theft Auto IV

Any GTA will do when it comes to unleashing your pent up drunken rage among the masses of AI pedestrians, but why did I choose IV?  The hilarious swing-set glitch, duh!

Also, if you’re into meta gaming, get your character drunk in the game as well and live a life of no consequences when you get behind the wheel of your favorite car. 

Skyrim

Intoxicated sessions of Skyrim are always good for a laugh.  Inject a little a fun into the uptight citizens of Whiterun by putting pots over NPC’s heads.  Fist-fight a dragon in your undies, or cause some good-ole’-fashioned drunken mischief at The Mage’s College – there is endless amounts of fund to be had while being sloshed in Tamriel.  I like to take a drink every time Lydia gets all passive aggressive about being “sworn to carry your burdens.”

Got mods?  Even better.  Turn any dragon to Macho-Man Randy Savage, fart your spells out, or even summon your very own bear musician – it’s almost as if Skyrim mods were best meant to be used while intoxicated.

Audiosurf

Looking to unleash your inner drunken dancer, but are too afraid to express yourself in public?  Toss a couple back and throw on Audio Surf, and pretty soon you’ll bobbing your head and cutting a rug like the best of them.  All while sitting down!

Civilization 5

Step 1: Get Drunk.  Step 2: Build a militaristic society.  Step 3: Kill the Ghandi. 

Call of Duty: Black Ops – Zombies.

Sure it may be a mainstay in any frat house gaming set-up, but COD Zombies is quite possibly the most enjoyable and most accessible zombie shooter you can play with a group.  Plus you get be JFK!  In my experience, playing Zombies with a full co-op groups of equally intoxicated teammates, four roles always tend to develop:

  1. The Hoarder:  This player refuses to spend points on any upgrades, doors, or extra lives despite the desperate pleas from his team.  
  2. The Bambi: Usually the most drunk out of the four and not as adept as his teammates, The Bambi tends to wander off from the other, gets downed first, and desperately asks “Where are you guys?” over, and over and over.
  3. Mr. In-It 2 Win-It.  In short, this player takes the fun and casual aspects out of the game by actually playing “for realsies.”  Can usually be found furiously unloading insults upon The Bambi.
  4. Wild Card.  One word: knife.

Mario Kart

This one is such a no-brainer I almost didn’t include it.  A staple in any drunken gamer’s repertoire, (along with Super Smash and Golden Eye) Mario Kart is best enjoyed with friends.  Remember, don’t ever actually drink and drive!      

Katamari Damacy

Because sometimes, when you’re just too drunk to stand, you just wanna roll around a bit.  I used watch a buddy of mine play this when he was drunk, and he seemed to have a good time.  Although I prefer it under the influence of something else…

There it is folks; did I miss anything? Let me know below, and don't forget to follow me on Twitter!

Published Feb. 8th 2018

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