Goat Simulator is out with an expansion. That’s a sentence I never expected to write, but here we are. I could try to explain WTF is going on in concrete terms, but I’d rather just give you a taste of some of the insane wackiness that goes on when you’re a goat in space.
Here are some of the totally normal things you can do in Goat Simulator: Waste of Space. Enjoy!
Headbutt People and Take Their Money
If you really want to be playing GTA, but all you’ve got is Goat Simulator, you can still satisfy your need for random theft and violence. Just run up to one of the hapless morons standing around the space base and violently assault them for their money. It’ll even help you pay for the mission!
Lick an Alien
There are many denizens of the weird space-base that you hang out on in Goat Simulator: Waste of Space, and some of them are aliens. I think I was supposed to be herding this weird tentacled thing into a pen or something, but he kept bouncing around while I was trying to drag him places with my goat tongue. Eventually I left him in a pile of debris and moved on.
Ride a Hoverbike
This is actually pretty tame for Goat Simulator, but trying to control this wonky POS was a lot of fun. It handled about as well as the Mako from Mass Effect, but the controls are way more difficult.
Not pictured: my spectacular crash or any of the people I knocked into orbit while trying to fly.
There’s a handy-dandy cloning device in one of the buildings on the moonbase, and you can make yourself a brand new goat, except with different colors — some of them totally reasonable, like checkerboard or rainbow. Don’t ask what happens to the original goat.
Make a Black Hole
If you have no regard for your personal safety or the integrity of the universe, then this is definitely the game for you. If you poke around long enough, you can end up making a black hole in a lab — it’s just like CERN, but with goats!
Seriously though, that’s dangerous, don’t do that.
Become Goat Hawking
Did I mention that after you create a black hole that you can end up in a wheelchair with a robotic voice, just like Stephen Hawking? It’s just as hard to control as the regular goat, and you can’t headbutt things anymore, because you’re paralyzed, but you can throw black holes at stuff, so that’s definitely a plus.
Don’t ask me how to stop being Goat Hawking, my game crashed before I figured it out.
Play a Simulator
Yo dawg, I heard you like simulators, so I put a simulator in your simulator…you know what, never mind. The simulator was pretty fun, actually and at least as stupidly complicated and hard as Goat Simulator. If Elon Musk is right and we’re all in a simulation, then I was like, three Inception-layers deep. Pretty intense.
Find the TURDIS
Look, I like a good poop joke as as much as the next guy, but come on. I never did find the blue box after it timey-wimeyed away, but it’s out there somewhere. Note the Pridesaber that I knocked all over the place while I was trying to get to the TURDIS.
Blow Up the Earth
Any other crazy stuff that you find while you were goating around in Waste of Space? Have something to add? Just want to ‘baa’ at me? Let us know in the comments!