No, China: No One Really Thinks Kim Jong-un is the Sexiest Man Alive.

Apparently satire hasn’t quite penetrated the selectively permeable membrane of The People’s Republic of China.

Proof: The official newspaper of the Chinese Communist Party reported that The Onion (yes, that Onion) had earnestly named Kim Jong-un 2012’s sexiest man alive.

Silly mortals! Kim Jong-un is not a hot piece. For real.

People’s Daily quoted from The Onion:

“Blessed with an air of power that masks an unmistakable cute, cuddly side, Kim made this newspaper’s editorial board swoon with his impeccable fashion sense, chic short hairstyle, and, of course, that famous smile,” 

And after the 55 photo slideshow that accompanied the story, oh-WEE, I’m gonna need a cold shower after all that alluring cherub. Psych.

The story, which only appeared on the publication’s website, has been taken down. A source associated with People’s Daily said they’d hoped the story wouldn’t garner too much attention. 

Oh, you must be new to the internet. Allow me to show you around…

This isn’t The Onion’s first tryst with legitimate journalism overseas. Iran pulled from The Onion’s “coverage” that most U.S. republicans favor Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad over President Obama, an obvious knock at high pre-election tensions. A separate Chinese newspaper ran that the U.S. government was considering abandoning Washington, and picking up operations elsewhere. 

Oh, The Onion: You’re not just fooling my gullible Facebook friends anymore. You’re in the big leagues. Kudos.