All CoD Things Must Come To An End — Examining Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare’s Trailer Part 4

All things must reach their conclusion, and so does Elijah's strange little breakdown of Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare's announcement trailer.

We last left Timmy sitting behind a chest high wall, entrenched with gunfire. Will Lassy be able to rip the jugulars of all the pesky foreigners in time? Or will Timmy be eating peanut butter and bullet sandwiches?

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"This is my plotting face. Do you like my plotting face?"


"They never like my plotting face. They do not appreciate my plotting face."


Metal Gear? Metal Geese?


"I am such a good pilot, I am ON FYAH!"


You say "Excuse Me!" before you burp young man!


Look at yourself, now look at me. You're in an armored truck. Look at your driver, now look at me. He's asleep at the wheel, but I'm not. Use Cod Fish Spice and you can be an attentive driver like me! Now look away, look back again.

I'm on the shoulders of Terry Crews.


Well the world is roughly 70% water but company names are rarely THAT literal and scientifically accurate.


I have a need. A need, for incredibly complicated futuristic technology that seems almost out of place even for this time period but screw it we need a vehicle section, machines.


First person driving! It's like real life except for the part where you are supposed to run into everything and shoot all lifeforms!


If you look closely, past the truck, you can almost see an extraneous amount of low-res dirt textures. Thankfully it's very hard to notice them, not like they were splashed on-screen or anything.


First we gave you people who could die. Then we gave you a dog who became irrelevant to the plot less than three missions in. Now we give you: the Call of Duty truck. You will drive the truck for approximately twenty minutes in a section of driving that actually features unique gameplay and ideas, after which the truck will sacrifice itself to save you from Godzilla. Because realism, or something.


Well we heard you all love no-scoping so much that we've come up with a new mechanic. DOUBLE SCOPE! Now you'll take twice as long to aim as you set up the second scope at every reload and try to get it to stay on straight. With the added time this takes, you can finally read the paper, acknowledge human beings around you, and digest food-like substances not made of Doritos.


"Metal Gear?" "Metal Gear." "METAL GEAR!"


Ahh! It's the deus ex machina from Transformers! RETREAT! We cannot withstand crappy plot points of such magnitude!


We interrupt this list of Call of Duty trailer screens to give you Captain America: Winter Soldier's opening.


Icky! There are bullets anywhere! I better not step in some Ghosts dog poo guys!


No-Clipping perk available only in Bobby Kotick Edition.


Yeah, I mean, without electricity, you wouldn't be reading this. Clearly you are using your power wisely. ;)


He is watching that VICE and Call of Duty video very intently.


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Author
Elijah Beahm
Grumpily ranting at this computer screen since before you were playing Minecraft. For more of my work: https://elijahbeahm.contently.com/