FFXIV Petition: Bring Back The Butts

I petition that 50% booty be restored to all player and non-playable characters. Seriously.

If you’ve spent some time on the Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn forums, you may very well find there is one change from 1.0 to 2.0 no one likes. One single change that has rocked the community to its core:

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The Butts Have Disappeared.

I’m not going to go all in-depth into this, but take a look at this thread to see the catastrophic damage A Realm Reborn did to the butts of Eorzea. It’s a crying shame.

After some investigating, I would estimate that roughly 90% of Eorzean citizens’ behinds are either flat as a board or nearly concave. This is an injustice! Who can’t appreciate a sizable and shapely behind on any of Eorzea’s races, regardless of gender? Just look at this!

This isn’t the catgirl I wanted!

Even Roegadyn are suffering.

This is just a tragedy.

The Few Decent Rear Ends Left are Tiny (Literally)

Square Enix may have taken our Elezen, Hyur, Roegadyn, Mi’quote, and Lalafell butts but they left one attractive race with a sizable booty. Unfortunately, well..

That booty-packin’ faerie is tiny.

Both Selene and Eos, the Scholar’s healing buddies, are packing quite a bit of junk in their trunks. This is all well and good, but the faeries are so small I didn’t even notice until a particular class quest.

But what good is a butt if it’s so tiny?

I’ve zoomed my camera in on plenty of butts during my time with the game over the past month (I’m a Lala, don’t judge me), and I would have to say Eos and Selene by far have the most bountiful, bouncy behinds in all of Eorzea.

There is a lot of beauty to be seen in Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn, and unfortunately very little of that is in the way of characters’ butts. I petition that 50% booty be restored to all player and non-playable characters, but I have a feeling that is not on top of Yoshida and his team’s priority list. Yet.


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Ashley Shankle
Ashley's been with GameSkinny since the start, and is a certified loot goblin. Has a crippling Darktide problem, 500 hours on only Ogryn (hidden level over 300). Currently playing Darktide, GTFO, RoRR, Palworld, and Immortal Life.