While every obnoxious college nerd has their unique flare of annoyance, here are some common basics to start your quest to be the worst.

How to be an obnoxious college nerd

While every obnoxious college nerd has their unique flare of annoyance, here are some common basics to start your quest to be the worst.

College is rough, but you can make it harder! On everyone around you! Geekdom has risen, fallen, and risen over the years in its "coolness," but one thing has always stayed the same - the unquestionable 'King Nerd' level of toxicity that even fellow nerds cringe at. While every obnoxious college nerd has their unique flare of annoyance, here are some common basics to get you started.

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Step 1: Wear nerdy things for the sake of it!

Let it be known you're a nerd without the inconvenience of having to talk to people first. While this step isn't (usually) obnoxious in itself, it is certainly a prerequisite to anything that is.

So wear your Zelda scarf during summer!

Wear your Megaman helmet indoors!

And certainly cosplay on Tuesdays in the cafeteria while reading Pokémon manga.

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Step 2: Begin all conversations heavily criticizing something (or someone) famous.

Everyone knows the best way to leave a good first impression, make friends, and assure future connections are showing your disdain for life. If someone dares show interest in your life, whether they be fellow nerd or not, make sure that you seem vindictive and matter-of-fact in your opinions so they know you take your nerdiness very seriously.


Step 3: Be an antisocial hipster

Ah, Facebook. One of the most popular social platforms in the world, practically forced upon some of us as the only convenient means to keep in touch with friends and family. While there are plenty of legitimate reasons to hate on it like say, privacy concerns, for the obnoxious nerd you should not quote any of them. Instead, hate on all forms of social media by quoting fear mongering science articles about the dangers of Instagram, how Twitter is terrible for society, and always emphasize how you don't need social media to keep friends.

If you really want to go there, even be nostalgic about the "simple days" of AIM and MSN and use it as a spring board for how modern conveniences have made us the laziest generation. Kids love that. If you'd rather go for the hypocritical route, mention how you prefer chatting with applications like RaidCall, Ventrillo, and Discord.


Step 4: Relate everything to your interests, no matter how inappropriate

Raise your hand so often in class that the professor unintentionally learns to ignore you. Make sure that when you speak up (and you should speak up often), that you relate the subject matter to obscure references. Talking about a prominent historical figure? Well, relate that to the fictional president of your favorite RPG. Perhaps the true, tragic story of a child hero? The situation would make a lot more sense in the magic realm of whatever. If it's non-fiction and seemingly appropriate to relate it to something geeky, rest assured that you can always just mention how it's similar to a graphic cutscene.

If someone shows interest in understanding, make sure to belittle them so they never feel that urge again. If someone is knowledgeable about the reference, make sure to be defensive and ask them for details you're sure they don't remember. The more vindictive, the better!

Your dissatisfaction in being the only one to raise their hand and "know what's going on" by the end of the semester is simply your success, be proud.

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Step 5: Be an epic meme l0rd

Be so l33t that you misuse memes ranging anywhere from 1980 to 2012. People love being reminded of their awkward middle school phase re-imagined in a fellow student. If you go this route, take precaution that you use your internet phrases unironically, lest you mistakenly are thought to be a joker instead of a huge obnoxious nerd.

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Step 6: Find your niche, respect yourself, and don't do any of Steps 1 - 5

Most people will not call you an "obnoxious college nerd," but instead something more along the lines of a "Starcraft loser" or a "Bitcoin casino freak." This whole guide is kind of a bogus joke considering the above steps can be applied to anyone about anything - in a way, we're all nerds about something, aren't we?

College is a great time to find other gamers who share your hobbies and is the time to solidify your niche, so don't ever worry about coming off as too involved. Of course, unless you really are following the steps.

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