In an effort to piggyback off of the month-long produce party that has been this year’s National Peach Month, Nintendo took to twitter in order to ask their faithful followers what exactly they loved about the Mushroom Kindgom’s ripe royalty. I took the time to cull the finest responses so you don’t have to, which you should all be thankful for, because looking at anything on the internet involving a female game character is an extremely risky proposition. There are some terribly talented perverts out there, that’s for certain.
(Go ahead and try to find a nice picture of Princess Ruto for your Legend of Zelda article. Rouge the Bat? How about any female Draenai? Go on, do it. Be a man and look at pictures of these characters on the internet.)
To be fair, this was much less crayola eroticism and much more pro-Daisy and pro-Rosalina propoganda. Here are the five best Twitter responses, decided by me, me, and me alone.
August is National (Princess) #PeachMonth, so tell us what you love about the Mushroom Kingdom’s glorious ruler. pic.twitter.com/JT7Bpb0thP
— Nintendo of America (@NintendoAmerica) August 6, 2014
@NintendoAmerica She’s my go-to girl in Melee, she’s amazing in Mario Bros 2, and her segments in the Paper Mario games were my favorite.
— Allison – Fu (@LittleFu68) August 6, 2014
Aww, that’s actually kind of nice. You go Lil Fu!
@NintendoAmerica I love her booty attack in smash bros.
— PokéKellz (@PokeKellz) August 6, 2014
This was a disturbingly popular response, but at least this particular tweet left it at that rather than beginning to hashtag their reasons for loving Peach’s badonkadonk blast.
@NintendoAmerica I love that she has an umbrella for impaling her enemies <3
— ▲ (@CNIAngel) August 6, 2014
I don’t quite remember that ever happening, but to be fair I never did play the terribly unpopular Super Paper Mario: Second Degree Homicide.
@NintendoAmerica Her enslavement of the toad race. Her destruction of the patriarchy, leaving men only in working class positions.
— Zerglinator (@Zerglinator) August 6, 2014
That… that actually is pretty fantastic. Hard to believe that anyone is going to top that.
— Ctr (@Robotropolis) August 6, 2014