Happily, you can’t kill people in real life (not without serious repercussions and most likely extreme psychological disorders, anyway).
Thankfully, digital entertainment has us covered on the ‘shoot-for-fun’ front. To celebrate, here is my ode to the top ten weapons found in gaming:
10) Lancer Assault Rifle (Gears of War)
Such fun. You shoot and shoot to your heart’s content, then run out of ammo still with waves upon waves of Locust hammering down on your position. What do you do?
A) Wet your pants?
B) Make peace with your God?
C) Accept the icy embrace of death?
Probably D) All of these, if you aren’t Marcus Phoenix. If, on some weird off-chance you are Marcus Phoenix, I imagine you just switch from bullets to the attached chainsaw and continue on your quest to quench your insatiable blood-lust.
9) MA5B Assault Rifle (Halo)
While there’s nothing particularly special about this weapon, you can’t deny that it is pretty iconic to Halo. I mean, the chief wields it on the front cover, pointing a barrel at you that you really wouldn’t want to be looking down in reality. As well as having a pretty screen to tell you your ammo count, it also provides other features you may find useful in the field, for example a compass and apparently even a heart rate monitor (not really useful in-game). It’s been the work horse of the USMC for more than 50 years, and it’s not really difficult to see why. Just play Halo and you’ll know what I mean. Rugged yet simple, it’s basically the AK-47 of the Halo universe.
8) Buster Sword (Final Fantasy 7)
At roughly 6 foot tall from tip to tail and about a foot wide, this behemoth of a broadsword would take one hell of a swordsman to wield it effectively, and that’s just what Cloud Strife can do! Not sure about you guys, but I seriously wouldn’t want this thing bearing down on me. Though it is to me, probably most famous for it’s appearance in FF7, it has been known to make guest appearances in other Final Fantasy Games as well, and will be showing up in the newest Final Fantasy game, Lightning Returns, albeit with a slightly newer design.
7) Lightsabers (Various Star Wars Games)
Is there even really that much that needs to be wrote about them? I mean, they’re Lightsabers. What? I’ve got to fill at least a few lines of text? Well, ok then, I guess…
“This was the formal weapon of a Jedi Knight. Not as clumsy or random as a blaster. More skill than simple sight was required for its use. An elegant weapon. It was a symbol as well. Anyone can use a blaster or a fusioncutter—but to use a lightsaber well was a mark of someone a cut above the ordinary.“
Cheers Obi-Wan, saved me a bit of typing.
6) The Crow-Bar (Half Life)
After just getting back from an alternate dimension where he witnessed some fairly horrific looking monsters that followed him back, Gordon Freeman’s first thought was to grab a crow-bar and start swinging! Initially it was only used until some better weaponry (read: handgun) could be obtained, however the crow-bar became (in my opinion, at least) pretty iconic in one of the greatest and most innovative shooters ever released.
5) Rocket Launcher (Resident Evil Series)
Yes, you can say that the rocket launcher has appeared in many games, even before Resident Evil, however Resident Evil gave you the option to unlock infinite ammo, basically rendering you unkillable. And you get to use it against zombies. A weapon of immense power, initially it’s only available at the very end of the game where (SPOILERS FOR A 16 YEAR OLD GAME AHEAD!) it’s used to finally destroy the Tyrant that Wesker set on you in the labs below.
4) Super Shotgun (DOOM Series)
Though it’s officially knowns as the Combat Shotgun, I’ve decided to go with its better known name, the Super Shotgun! Differing from the plain old crappy shotgun before it by adding a second barrel (for twice the destructive fun) it really earns its name when you get up-close and personal with some of the enemies that DOOM throws at you. DOOM is the game that started my love affair with shooters (when I was way to young to be playing it) and the Super Shotgun is one of the games most memorable weapons… Not quite the most memorable though…..
3) BFG 9000 (DOOM Series)
The BFG (or Bio-Fragmentation-Gun officially) is an absolute MONSTER of a weapon. It doesn’t just kill things, it obliterates them. If it hit just a little harder, it wouldn’t just obliterate enemies, it would wipe out any trace that they ever even existed. Memories and all. Though it officially stands for Bio-Fragmentation-Gun, folks like to refer to it by another name.. The Big-F***ing-Gun, and rightly so, in my opinion. It really is just that dangerous.
2) Hand “Cannon” (Dead Space 2)
It takes some unlocking (ONLY THREE SAVES! WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?) but my GOD is this gun worth it! When you have it, there’s no need to fear even a single enemy in the game, it just kills them. No qualms, no fancy animations, no dancing around the issue. It just creates death wherever it’s pointed. Well, that’s not technically true, you still need to remember to say “BANG! BANG!” or “pew pew pew”.
AND FINALLY!!!!!!
1) The Blue Shell (Mario Kart Series)
A weapon that needs no introduction, there really couldn’t have been anything else on the top spot. A weapon that doesn’t kill anything (except friendships) it’s still absolutely lethal. Once you’ve heard it’s wings you want to pray that you aren’t in first because it isn’t going to end well for you if you are. Especially deadly/infuriating on the last corner of the last lap, I still have nightmares of it hovering over my car, then just slamming into me.
Painful, painful memories resurfaced there….
