Let's all get real for a hot second: everyone poops. It's okay. No need to alert the press. They already know. They poop too. If you're regular, you probably poop every day. (If not, Jamie Lee Curtis can help you fix that). Most human beings spend well over a year of their lifespans answering nature's call. Being the industrious creatures humans are, we aren't going to let all that time go to waste. As smart phones became increasingly popular, we started ditching Reader's Digest for time-killing apps to occupy our time while we occupy the toilet. Here are five mobile games to play on the loo.
In a cryptic dystopian reality, an event known simply as "the Incident" has brought the world to its knees. What's going on? Who's behind it? According to the authorities, it's probably you. Race the clock and answer your interrogators' questions, trying to prove your innocence against their rigid condemnation.
It's the perfect bathroom game because it's quick and it requires absolute concentration. The authorities will try to catch you in a lie by bringing up old questions. If your new answer contradicts your old one, you're toast. Plus, it's so addicting and replayable that it can easily fill any bathroom break, even the ones that go on indefinitely.
Nothing distracts you from a bowel movement quite like a trippy fever dream starring a tiny version of you shooting to the stars in an alarm clock/rocket ship. Sweet Drmzz is full of fun and quirky minigames that are simple enough that you'll pick each one up quickly, but innovative enough to keep you coming back for more.
There's absolutely no story, so don't worry about following anything close to a narrative. Just pick up and play while you drop off and wait.
One of the best (and first) infinite runner games on the market, Canabalt can be played with only one finger. Don't bust out the toilet paper yet, though. This game is deceptively minimalist and demands your attention. You're not just hopping AC units here. Watch out for unexpected walls, collapsing buildings, and falling nukes.
Set to an engaging futuristic soundtrack and featuring a dynamic interactive environment, Canabalt can turn a dull escape to the restroom into an exciting escape from the city.
Touch some circles. Up their numbers. Reach a hundred. Easy, right? Wrong. The circles can't touch while you're inflating them, which is kind of a tall order when they're bouncing around like kids in a candy store. After stumbling through a few levels, you'll get the hang of it just in time for a few screw balls to spice up the gameplay mechanics.
It'll take more than one bathroom break to make it through all one hundred levels. Luckily, this game is fun enough to make you want to fill up the screen with circles every time you empty your system of waste.
Okay, I know you've seen the commercials. And I'm sure you've seen your coworkers playing this in the back room while avoiding actual work. That's the best thing about Clash of Clans, though. You can feel productive, without actually being productive. Build a fortress, raise an army, destroy your enemies. Wow, what a full day!
All you need in order to conquer the land is the tenacity of a warlord, a network connection, and a toilet on which you can procrastinate for an obnoxiously long periods of time.
Have any more time-killing apps to play on the pot? Tell us in the comments below!