What Game Genre Would Super Bowl XLIX Players Be A Part Of?

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by WesleyG

After 17 weeks and three rounds of thrilling playoff action, we are finally less than a week away from Super Bowl XLIX. On Sunday, the Seattle Seahawks take on the New England Patriots to see who will prove themselves the best team in the NFL and take home the Lombardi Trophy.

Before all that happens though is the NFL Media Day, a big event where all the Super Bowl players are made available to the press. This event is where the press gets all the quotes and pictures it needs to begin hyping the Super Bowl proper. GameSkinny wasn’t invited to attend (the nerve!), but we don’t need direct access to the superstars of the gridiron to answer the tough questions.

Questions like “If you were in a video game, what genre would it be in?”

I delved into the record sheets and watched hours of game film in order to bring you the definitive list of what genres key players in Super Bowl XLIX would fit. In the words of NFL.com’s Dave Dameshek, “LET IT BEGIIIIIIIIIIIIN!”

Darrelle Revis and Richard Sherman Play Like An NES Action Platformer 

Genre Examples: Ninja Gaiden, Mega Man, Ghosts N’ Goblins

You remember those old platformer games back on the NES where you couldn't make any progress because an enemy would guard the edge of a platform? No matter how many different ways you try to attack him or avoid him, he still manages to hit you and knock you into the bottomless pit below. That’s the easiest way to describe opposing quarterbacks going up against Darrelle Revis and Richard Sherman.

Though they play on different teams, the Patriots’ Revis and the Seahawks’ Sherman are among the best in the game in denying any progress to NFL offenses. Though their stats with things like interceptions are impressive, what makes them scary is how often QBs will refuse to throw the ball to their side of the field.

Heck, Green Bay Packers QB Aaron Rodgers didn't throw the ball Sherman’s way in Week 1. Not even once. That’s the football equivalent of playing Ghosts N’ Goblins without Arthur’s armor. It didn't end well for Rodgers.

Tom Brady Plays Like A Real Time Tactics General

Genre Examples: Total War series, Syndicate, Valkyria Chronicles

Tom Brady is one of the most efficient field generals in the entire NFL, making him a prime candidate for the Real Time Tactics sub-genre of strategy games.

Brady’s ability to recognize defenses and counter accordingly are legendary. It’s like when you’re setting up your units before a Total War battle. You see the enemy units suspiciously stacked on one side of the field, and you realize that they’re probably hiding some cavalry that’ll come charging in from your flank. You set up your spearmen in preparation for it. The cavalry charge is dead before it ever began.

In Total War, you get unlimited time to set your troops up. Tom Brady does all this in 40 seconds between each and every play.

Tom Brady also boasts an impressive 95.9 passer rating, ranking him fifth all-time. Combine that with six Super Bowl appearances, and you've got an experienced general who is looking to lay siege on the Seahawks secondary this Sunday.

Marshawn Lynch Plays Like He's In A Beat'em Up

Genre Examples: Final Fight, Streets of Rage, Battletoads

Marshawn Lynch and Mike Haggar are kindred spirits. Both are ridiculously strong and are fully capable of tearing through any fool that steps in their way. In fact, the only way to stop either man seems to be swarming them with guys until they finally fall to the ground.

Great, now I can’t decide if I want to see Haggar play halfback for the Seahawks or see Marshawn take on the Mad Gear Gang. I mean, Beast Quake sounds like such an awesome screen clearing special move.

Just like Marshawn, though, I’m going to keep this one brief. He is all about that action boss, you know.

Russell Wilson Plays Like He's In A Shoot 'em up

Genre Examples: Batsugun, Ikaruga, Jamestown: Legend of the Lost Colony

Shoot 'em ups (especially so-called “Bullet Hell” games) are all about patience, precision dodging, and firing bullets right back. Seahawks QB Russell Wilson executes all three with mastery beyond his years. Like trying to dodge the insane amount of bullets in Ikaruga, Russell Wilson has been dodging linemen his entire career. His ability to get out of trouble and find receivers downfield have made him one of the most dynamic players in the NFL.

What makes Wilson so special, though, is how smart he plays. He very rarely puts his body at any risk, choosing to run only when no other options are available to him. Even when he does take off, he will step out of bounds before any defender can touch him. If the game gets to a point that requires it, however, Wilson is not afraid to get physical with defenders to get crucial yards and extend the drive.

It’s a lot like playing Raiden Fighters where you have to judge the right time to press forward and collect power-ups, usually while attempting to find the gaps between enemy bullets. Sometimes you have to put yourself at more risk, but you know that power-up can mean the difference between life and death against the boss.

If you need any more convincing, just play this video of Wilson scrambling with your Shoot 'em up song of choice.

Rob Gronkowski Is The Final Boss of a Fighting Game

Genre Examples: Street Fighter IV, Tekken, Soul Calibur 2

You have finally conquered the 31 other fighters through strategy and determination and the only thing standing between you and the end credits is...Rob Gronkowski. Is it too late to lower the difficulty?

Yes, the New England tight end known as “Gronk” frustrates defenses the same way Shao Khan has frustrated Mortal Kombat players for years. Built like a lighthouse at 6’ 6” and 265 lbs, he can still catch passes as well as any wide receiver in the league. If this guy gets the ball, prepare for cheapness not seen since Seth in Street Fighter IV.

First of all, he has no stun animations so don’t even bother with weak attacks. He also has an insane speed for a guy his size, so don’t think you can lock him down either. He even has a one-hit kill move!

If the Patriots have their way at Super Bowl XLIX, don’t be shocked to see the Seattle fans (aka the 12th man) sending letters to the league office asking them to nerf Gronk. He’s obviously overpowered, but don't expect a patch anytime soon.

Published Jan. 29th 2015

Columnist

I'm a freelance contributor that adores the art and culture of gaming. I'm an indie game enthusiast who loves supporting a game with a small budget and new ideas. I also love pro wrestling, tabletop RPGs, and Cadbury Creme Eggs.

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