Top 5 Greatest Girlfriends

2. Paula


You think Ness is the protagonist of Earthbound? And this cute little girl is his faithful JRPG healing sidekick? Ha! Brother, you've got it exactly backwards.  Ness is only there to keep her healed so she can annihilate her enemies with lightning and hellfire. Her's is the true face of the destroyer. She is Armageddon with a pretty pink bow. She makes the supposed boy protagonist look like a chump. Paula is awesome.

She's insanely brave too. She isn't just haplessly thrown into the adventure: she just realizes that saving the world is part of her destiny and goes with it. She doesn't even hesitate. She just says "Ness, let's go. We have a planet to save and I know just the crew for the job."

Think about that. Even if I had demigod-like powers at my disposal like Paula has, I would at least think twice about going on a giant globe-trotting quest like this. I would be pretty scared, even now as a grown-ass man. But never once does she lose her cool. How does she fit those balls under that dress?

 And on top of all of that, she knowingly volunteers to help Ness fight this.

Published Jul. 14th 2015

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