Lindsay Lohan released a satirical cell phone game focused around the career of a celebrity. I wrote the news release a few days ago and, amid the research, I admit I was a bit intrigued. I downloaded the free app and sat down to play.
Monotonous Gameplay
On her official website, Lohan wrote:
In this game you are the celebrity, you pick your fashion and gain fans based off what you do and how you play!
From her statement, it sounds like there are multiple aspects to gameplay, but that’s not true. This game relies on two movements: a repetitive “swipe” to gain fans and a simple “click” to purchase items. Most cell phone games are simple, but this one is even simpler than most.
In the beginning, every swipe counts. Your wrist, thumb, and forefinger on both hands will hurt after the first 7 minutes of gameplay. You only have three characters to cycle through at first, so you literally just stare at the same thing while making the same repetitive swiping motion.
After a while, you progress enough to “purchase” power-ups that allow you to earn fans without swiping, get more fans per swipe, and earn fans with the app closed. These power-ups cost fans, which is a bit frustrating when you’re trying to get to the next level.
However, if you’re a decent planner, you gain enough fans that you don’t even need to interact with the game. While writing this article, I had my phone plugged in with the app open, and I hit 3.3M fans without having “played” for 20 minutes. (Granted, I did have to click out of the pop-up ads since I am playing the free version).
The Good, The Bad, and The Satirical
Lohan’s game does have an interesting concept. Unlike other Hollywood games, Lohan just makes jabs at celebrities. You have options to fake your death, leak nude selfies, and fake a total recovery to earn fans without swiping. You can get more fans per swipe by faking an accent, getting a pet elephant, and getting a trophy spouse. Finally, you can add babies, a monkey riding a dog, and a trustworthy weed holder to your entourage to earn fans with the app closed. I found the options refreshingly entertaining, but not enough to make up for the boring aspects.
Additionally, there is a very basic character creator where you can choose a body, accessories, and outfits for your avatar. I like the concept that you could change your body multiple times in the game (skin color, gender, face shape, etc) but the clothing options were a bit limited for me. I actually couldn’t make a look I liked. To make things more frustrating, the money you need to buy outfits is gained by swiping up on characters holding money, which are few and far between.
End Result
For me, the fact that I succeed without even playing the game just seems pointless. I think a good game should make its users WANT to play; I don’t care either way, since I’m still winning even when eating, showering, or not even in the same room. All that matters is that you put in 15 minutes of actual play, buy the correct power-ups, and leave your app open to do the rest for you.
The game itself is basic and mediocre, and I don’t have an urge to continue playing it at all. While I like Lohan’s satirical spin on a celebrity game, the awkwardness of the gameplay, the overly-simplistic design, and the failure in functionality make the game anything but fun.
