Video games have a long, storied history of both ridiculousness and violence, so it’s not surprising that the two would inevitably intersect. It’s at this intersection that we find some of the most entertaining weaponry in games, but some of our favorites have always been the ones that managed to mingle the cute and deadly in surprisingly entertaining ways. Forget lobbing diseased pigs over the walls of your medieval foe’s castle, these guns bring animal-firing insanity directly into our eager hands.
Shark-O-Matic (Saints Row the Third)
No one that’s played Saint’s Row the Third should be surprised to find it on our list (twice, in fact). The folks at Volition have elevated absurdity to an art form, and in their DLC they often push the already distended boundaries of reason from the main game even farther.
The Shark Attack Pack, for instance, adds new wardrobe and gear, but most importantly includes the Shark-O-Matic, a gun that sprays your enemies with bloody chunks of fish corpse. Doesn’t sound terribly effective in urban combat, right?
WRONG. Apparently the streets (or sewers) of Stilport are haunted by a giant, pavement rending shark that can’t resist the scent of the eviscerated chunks, and will burst through the ground wherever you’ve fired it, annihilating foes and vehicles with it’s massive, powerful jaws.
Cluckshot (Gears of War 3)
In some ways, Gears of War is the anti-Saint’s Row. There’s not a lot of levity to be had in any of the franchises’ campaign modes, and the setting and subject matter are pretty grim, down to the grizzled protagonists and rust-belt aesthetic.
Gears 3 changed that, if only by means of an unlockable Easter egg (that took a fair amount of effort to obtain). Gamers that were patient and dedicated enough to uncover it, however, were rewarded with one of the series coolest (and dumbest) guns: a modified Boomshot that fires, that’s right, deadly poultry.
Mollusk Launcher (Saints Row the Third)
The only thing crazier than killing your enemies with a gun that fires animals is mind-controlling those enemies with a similar weapon. Saints Row the Third’s mollusk launcher was just such a device, firing underwater creatures from distant planets that clung squid-like to your enemies’ heads, sapping their free will in highly entertaining ways. Let’s be honest, what’s more terrifying than seafood with an agenda?
Cow Launcher (South Park 64)
South Park’s charm comes in large part from its over-the-top ridiculousness, so naturally the video game adaptation on N64 would be full to the gills of absurd nonsense. While the sniper chicken and weaponized Terrance and Philip dolls were cool, our hands-down favorite was the cow launcher, the BFG of of South Park 64. Awesome not only because, hey, you’re firing cows at people but also because of it’s explosive, devastating effects, the cow launcher was an instant classic and one of the (few) memorable things about South Park’s Nintendo debut.
Land Shark Gun (Armed and Dangerous)
Similar to Saints Row’s “chum gun”, the Land Shark Gun in Armed and Dangerous has the advantage of firing an actual, rapidly maturing infant land shark that then cruises around the map slaughtering your enemies for you. While it might be really cool to spray your enemies with bloody fish guts, the Land Shark Gun is probably more practical, giving you ability to attack enemies with other weapons while your ravenous ally goes about his dark business. And you thought sharks in the ocean were cool.
