The 15 strangest pieces of game merchandise you can buy on Amazon (NSFW)

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“There’s no such thing as too much merchandising.”

So goes the saying of anyone involving in the marketing side of the video games industry. If they can think it up, they’ll produce it, regardless of how bad, inappropriate, or just plain weird the concept. Plus, no matter what it is, chances are people will still buy it. And with good right! Why be the millionth person to own a t-shirt with Pikachu on it when you can have the little yellow Pokemon and his friends adorning your very own menstrual pad?

Okay, so that extreme example would be bought for more of a conversational piece than for practical use, one would hope.

This list comprises examples of the most kitsch, kinky, cool, and so-weird-I-must-have-it pieces of video game merchandise around. And the best thing is, you can actually buy them from Amazon! A few of them I actually have... but not number one, honest *cough*.

15. Sonic the Hedgehog headphones

Abandoning all concept of subtlety, wearing these Sonic the Hedgehog headphones really lets people know you’re a big fan of the Sega mascot - and not afraid to show it. Not sure what the sound quality is like with these, but I imagine running a marathon in them may not be the most comfortable experience. I would recommend this item for display purposes only.

Buy it here.

14. Sexy Super Mario Brothers Halloween costumes

Like almost every red-blooded male, I’ve often looked at Mario and Luigi and wondered what they would look like as sexy, moustachioed women. Now, thanks to these lawsuit-avoiding ‘Pretty Plumber Adult Costumes’, I get to find out. The moustache on the necklace is a particularly nice touch. A great buy for the those into the Mario fetish sub-culture.

Buy this here.

13. Doom: The Board Game

Amazingly, someone had the very weird idea of taking an extremely linear, albeit awesome, title like Doom and turning it into a board game. And you know what? It’s actually really good! The game design is excellent and follows a lot of D&D staples such as movement values, AoE, and line of sight. It’s out of print now, and something of a collector’s piece.

Buy it here.

12. Plants vs Zombies Peashooter slippers

I find that these manage to be both pretty weird and totally awesome, and I should know - I own a pair. No fan of Plants vs Zombies should be without these peashooter slippers; not only are they comfortable and keep your feet warm, but they are sure to act as a zombie deterrent once the inevitable undead apocalypse arrives. One word of warning from personal experience: never try to run very fast down stairs while wearing them.

 Buy this here.

11. Super Mario and Princess Toadstool cross stitch pamphlet

Finally, the worlds of video games and embroidery come crashing together with this pamphlet. It contains that rarest of things: cross stitch designs for Mario and Princess Peach. This is a bit of collector’s item from 1990, and would be a pretty unique piece for Mario aficionados. Plus, if you happen to be a fan of Nintendo’s plumber and also know your couching from your French Knots, then you’ve found the perfect item!

Buy this here.

10. Video gamer basket care package

While it’s admittedly a bit of a stretch putting this under video game merchandise, it still gets a place for being so weirdly stereotypical. You can imagine the person behind this collection is thinking:

“So you’re a gamer? Then you’ll definitely like this array of high-sugar, teeth-rotting, obesity-causing foodstuff.”

The only surprise is that they didn’t include some acne cream and a goth CD with it. It does come with a $10 Xbox gift card which, if it still works, may be put to better use by trading it for insulin. 

Buy it here.

9. Bayonetta PS4 decals

Bayonetta’s well known in her games for flashing a bit of flesh, but these decals are about as adult as it gets before the whole thing moves into ‘fan-drawn’ territory. Any parents who buy their kids console accessories without checking them first may want to be careful with this one, else they may find little Timmy spending a lot more time with his PS4 than usual. 

Buy this here.

8. Vanessa from The King of Fighters statue

This statue of Vanessa from the King of the Fighters series is one of many similar recreations of female video game characters with their clothes falling off. Vanessa is known for her trademark white shirt and red tie, but here it’s been decided she’s better represented with her boobs half exposed. They never do this kind of thing for the male fighters, although I’m not sure how successful a statue of Balrog flashing his green monster would be.

Buy this item here.

7. Pac-Man energy drinks

If you want develop mild heart palpitations and start sweating profusely, then perhaps you should consider purchasing the ‘Pac-Man Fruit and Power up Energy Set’. I consume about 4 cans of energy drinks a day, meaning I’m no stranger to the crushing addiction that comes with these caffeine-loaded treats.  There is a danger that using this product will turn you into a giant yellow ball with a mouth and cause you to emit “WAKA WAKA WAKA” noises.* 

*Legal disclaimer: energy drinks will (probably) not cause addiction, nor will this product actually turn you into Pac-Man, who is a fictional character.

Buy this here.

6. World of Warcraft Tankard O'Terror

Even though its numbers have been dwindling over the last few years, World of Warcraft is still a pretty big deal. Here’s a scary fact for you: the cumulative number of hours clocked up by WoW players is nearly 6 million years - longer than humanity has been evolving as a species. Anyway, the game’s responsible for a slew of Azeroth-based merchandise, but this is one of the slightly weirder (and cooler) ones. A direct replica of an in-game item, this big, heavy stein is only for the most ardent of WoW fans, particularly as it costs $189! Still, there’s no better accessory to go with an imposing beard and a replica of Frostmourne.

Buy this here.

5. Watch Dogs Lanyard

Now, this is pretty weird. If you check in the comments you’ll find one woman complaining that she bought it for her nephew, but it wasn’t exactly what he wanted; not really surprised by that. As lanyards go, I’m sure this is highly functional and does the job well, but I’ll reiterate: it’s just a bit… weird. If, however, you buy the PC version of this item, remember that it won’t work at all until Ubisoft put out an update a month later. 

You can buy this item here.

4. Street Fighter Sexy Chun Li Fabric Wall Scroll Poster

Here we have a wall scroll poster of Chun Li as you’ve never seen her before. Or at least parts of her you’ve never seen before - unless you’re a fan of hentai. We all know that everyone’s favorite cosplay character has some pretty meaty thighs in the game, but Jesus! they’re bigger than her entire upper torso in this picture. And really, she must feel like she’s being cut in two when fighting in that kind of attire. 

Buy this here.

3. Mana and health potion earrings

Nothing says “I’m a dedicated follower of fashion and still know that some dice have more than six sides” quite like these fantastic health and mana potion earrings. Frankly, no RPG player worth their rocksalt should be without these, even if they’re just used as ornaments. If you do have pierced ears and decide to hit the town sporting a pair, then be prepared for gasps of awe from fellow Diablo fans - alongside looks of confusion from everyone else. 

Buy this item here

2. Tetris interactive dress

If you’re so naive as to think that a Tetris dress would be weird enough on its own, then get a load of this interactive Tetris dress. Yes, the blocks on this garment really are able to detach and reattach, meaning any ladies who wear this on a night out can expect to be grabbed incessantly by seedy men who claim they “just want to get the long, thin one in the right hole.”

 Buy it here.

1. Dead or Alive ‘Hugging’ pillowcase

Oh… dear.  

Yes, this really is a ‘hugging’ pillow case featuring a naked Kasumi (I think) from Dead or Alive. Seeing as this ‘pillowcase’ is an unusual 5-feet in length and referred to as a ‘hugging’ case shows how little effort has gone into hiding the fact it’s essentially a humping toy for human Jack Russells. The listing recommends the item for Christmas - a perfect gift for Grandpa - and for hotels, as if they didn’t have to deal with enough filthy bedding. It’s also patterned on both sides, meaning it can be used twice before needing a wash… ugh. 

Buy this item here.

Would you buy any of these weird items? What others have you come across? Let us know in the comments!

Published Aug. 23rd 2015

Featured Correspondent

Lover of all things PC and a fan of inserting indelible ink into the dermis layer of the skin. Remembers when 'geek' was an insult. Still passionately believes Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines was the greatest game ever made. Also works as a reporter/feature writer for TechSpot.com and a producer of YouTube video scripts.

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