Can't seem to ever find a weapon? We show you where to go find them (and what equipment to pick up) so you can get a decisive victory in Totally Accurate Battlegrounds!

Totally Accurate Battlegrounds Guide: How to Find Weapons

Can't seem to ever find a weapon? We show you where to go find them (and what equipment to pick up) so you can get a decisive victory in Totally Accurate Battlegrounds!
This article is over 6 years old and may contain outdated information

The biggest battle royale hit was not at all what we were expecting! Move over Paladins, PUBG, and Fortnite, because the April Fools joke that was and is Totally Accurate Battlegrounds is actually the best BR game out right now!

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Since it was supposed to be somewhat of a spoof, some of the systems are currently wonky and many elements of the game aren’t explained well, leaving many players wondering where to find weapons (and how to use them!).

Don’t worry: we’ve got you covered with everything you need to know about killing 39 poor ragdolls in hilarious poofs of smoke.

Note that the tips below are for those who aren’t experiencing the “can’t find game”, “wrong version”, and “no matchmaking” errors and are now actually taking part in the 40 man deathmatches.

If you haven’t been able to get into a match yet or aren’t sure how to work the basics like healing items and attachments, check out our Totally Accurate Battlegrounds beginner’s guide here instead.

Best Weapons Currently in Totally Accurate Battlegrounds

This is a game where you really want to spend time in the Shooting Range before joining a match. Due to the purposefully odd physics, weapons behave in very strange ways and you want to have a handle on them before playing against other people who are probably already better than you.

Most notably — grenades go off at completely random times. One grenade might go off immediately (RIP: you) or it might not go off for a full minute and a half. It’s a gamble that makes the grenade launcher hilarious, but effectively useless in most situations unless you’re desperate and have no other option.

A player looks at their inventory screen and their avatar in Totally Accurate Battlegrounds It looks cool… but is more likely to kill you than the enemy

On the other end of the spectrum, swinging your fists isn’t as pointless as it sounds, especially since other weapons aren’t reliable. Getting into a slap fight with someone trying to flee and find a gun is not only good, silly fun, but it’s also a decent way to rack up a kill against a newbie.

Oddly enough, melee can be the best way to go in a match. The battleax is probably the best weapon in Totally Accurate Battlegrounds, as it usually kills in 1 hit, which is much, much more reliable than the nonsense guns. On top of that, it isn’t hard to take out a squad of three players who are expecting to destroy you with rifles and pistols.

A player holds a red battleax as they approach another player on the shore The battleax: God’s perfect killing machine

The ballistic shield is another overlooked gem since it protects you from harm and can be used to bash enemies as you get up close. Just don’t go under any trees while holding it! The weird physics will warp your body and turn the shield sideways, making it useless.

If you don’t come across a killer battleax, then be on the lookout for attachments, as they make the guns much more manageable. A loaded up P90 or sniper rifle can turn you into a killing machine if you find the right attachments.

A player with red arms holds a riot shield in front of them Shield bashing is a fun and unexpected way to take out an opponent!

Finding Badass Weapons In TAB

Just finding a single weapon can be a huge ordeal in your first few matches, as the spawning is currently quite problematic.

You can search 10 houses in a row and find nothing… then run across a gun, some ammo, and a scope stuck under a rock out in a field or inside a tree stump.

When checking buildings, keep in mind that sometimes weapons, armor, and attachments spawn in hidden spots, like behind chairs and doors, so you have to search a little more thoroughly.

A player searches an empty wooden house for loot Expect to see a lot of empty houses on your search

A good rule of thumb is that if you hit three houses in a row and come across nothing, move on to the next area and search around outside while you are traveling.

You can mitigate some of this, though, by changing up your landing zone and hitting Chaos, Ruins, or Military Place first, as those areas tend to have more equipment for the taking than other TAB landing sites.

Also(!), always try to avoid the edges of the map. When the walls start closing in, there isn’t currently enough time to make it to an outpost without dying if you land too close to the edge.

A player with red arms holds a riot shield in front of them a looks at a flintlock pistol stuck in a tree in TAB Yes, that is a flintlock pistol hiding INSIDE the tree

Know where to find secret stashes of guns? Or found a totally accurate way to get more kills? Let us know your strategy below, and we might just add your methods to this or any of our other Totally Accurate Battlegrounds guides

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Ty Arthur
Ty splits his time between writing horror fiction and writing about video games. After 25 years of gaming, Ty can firmly say that gaming peaked with Planescape Torment, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have a soft spot for games like Baldur's Gate, Fallout: New Vegas, Bioshock Infinite, and Horizon: Zero Dawn. He has previously written for GamerU and MetalUnderground. He also writes for PortalMonkey covering gaming laptops and peripherals.