Before chasing down necromancers and would-be emperors, West Of Loathing has your stick figure cowpoke starting out as a lowly traveler first getting a taste of the adventurer’s life in Boring Springs.
This prologue segment is deceptive though, as there’s a lot more to do than you’d expect. We want to make sure you don’t miss one single element of the entire Boring Springs prologue section — and there are a lot of things you can miss!
There’s even an extra achievement if you manage to do everything and earn the maximum amount of meat possible before leaving Boring Springs behind and heading to Dirtwater with your companion.
Once you get out of Boring Springs and start exploring the wild black and white yonder, be sure to check out our other West Of Loathing walkthroughs:
Welcome to the Boring Springs environs!
Getting Started With West Of Loathing
This the first question everyone has, and I can confirm that the meat reward starting screen does absolutely nothing besides changing name and gender.
Seriously, don’t be like me and waste an hour shooting the screen over and over trying to get the highest meat reward below your wanted poster — it literally does nothing to your character, your starting meat, or the game’s quest lines. It was crafted just to get you to keep shooting until you realize that all existence is pointless.
Didn’t expect to have to deal with existential dread so early in the game, did you?
Now choose between melee fighter (Cow Puncher), wizard (Beanslinger), and ranged combatant / potion brewer (Snake Oiler). Not sure which class to pick and how it might affect the game? Our full breakdown is available here.
Disable the auto-spend XP option in the menu screen, as you need to put two points in Moxie as soon as you can. On that note, interact with absolutely everything in your house and an around the farm, because most of them give you a small amount of XP.
Read the books to get the Stupid Walking perk, if you want to constantly be laughing at how your gunslinger moves. Set the bird free, then head outside and grab the needle in the haystack.
If you plan on going after the A Fistful Of Cutlets achievement, choose the bartering option when talking to your mother and tell your brother you want to make your fortune outside the farm. All throughout the guide below we’ll highlight which options make it possible to get the achievement and which block off that path.
Talk to your dad and tell him the hat doesn’t fit to get a pair of brass knuckles as a starter weapon.
Its just plain fun to do
Boring Springs Completion
In the main area, make sure to grab the turnip and the broken board, then run into the all the cacti in Boring Springs repeatedly until you earn the Mostly Scabs perk.
Head into the tavern, push down your gag reflex hard, and shove your hand into the spittoon to get the nasty ring. Look in the hat box and grab the Four Gallon Hat. Now talk to the bartender to get the goblin quest and head downstairs. Pick up the newspaper and whiskey.
If you want the Fistful Of Cutlets achievement, go ahead and kill Gary, then return to the bartender for your meat reward. If you’d prefer to bring him along as your companion, take the whiskey to Doc Alice, then learn to speak goblin by reading her books and return to recruit Gary.
Confronting Gary
Head into the Sherf’s office and grab the first missing mug, then talk to him to get a quest and a piece of dynamite. Go to the trader and trade the needle you picked up earlier for another piece of dynamite, then talk to the Cactus Man standing nearby to learn the location of the shovel.
Head over to the stables and talk to the man missing his three horses, and make sure to ask about his injury to learn about Doc Alice, then grab the needles in the haystacks.
Orehole Mine
Pull up the map and travel to Orehole Mine, where you can grab the shovel from the outhouse. Search the carts inside and outside and make sure to pick up the next mug.
Inside, call the elevator from floor 3 and pick up the crowbar out of the elevator shaft. Next, call the elevator from floor 1 to get the plunger, and then floor 2 to get the blasting caps. Assemble all three pieces on the left side of the screen and blow it all up to open another room.
You’re going to need this all throughout the game
Use your nifty new shovel to dig for some silver, then search the cart and use the grains to convince the dark horse to return home.
Boneyard
Access the map and head to the Boneyard next, where you can find another missing mug lying on the ground.
Battle all the skeletons in the area, including by using the shovel to dig up graves when necessary, then make sure to read all of the grave stones, as this allows you to get another quest and recruit Susie Cochrane as a pardner later.
Talk to the ghost horse and choose all the dialog options to make the oats as spooky as possible so it will eat.
Diggin’ up bones
Cochrane Ranch
Return to Boring Springs and talk to the lady at the bar who wasn’t very chatty before. Now you can mention her family name from the tombstones to get the location of the ranch on your map.
Head to the ranch and make sure to pick up the varmint knife while you are there. Kill the demon cow and raid the safe to get the Cochrane family rifle, then take it back to Susie, who will now be available as a possible pardner when you leave Boring Springs.
Grabbing Susie’s rifle
Thousand Snakes Gulch
Pull up the map and head to the Thousand Snakes Gulch, where you need to grab the shiny rock and fight two snake battles.
Although it seems counter-intuitive, at the third snake, first choose the option to surrender, then kill the snake. Now you can talk to the crazy horse that’s been chewing too much locoweed and convince it you aren’t there to suck out its soul.
Give it the homing oats to finish off the three horse retrievals, then return to the stables and get your reward. You can either buy a horse now or wait until the end just before leaving. If you want to quickly earn all the Nex Mex necromancer spells, be sure to pick the Ghost horse.
Now return to Orehole mine and use your sticks of dynamite to blow up the box for some extra meat.
Traversing the snake path
Fricker Gang’s Hideout
Travel to the bandit hideout and make sure to choose the option to immediately shoot the lookout if you want the Fistful Of Cutlets and Wanted: Dead achievements later in the game.
Shooting the lookout grants you the Ruthless perk, and those two achievements can’t be earned without this perk. Afterwards, search all the crates for extra meat and to find another missing mug.
Talk to the next bandit in the tub and ask for his soap, then choose the option to drown him. Now use the Ruthless perk to shoot the first bandit in the head and fight the others. Afterwards, grab another mug sitting there and search all the crates in the back area. Don’t forget to pick up the door for the Sherf!
Getting a bar of soap from a bath time bandit
Poop and Gambling
We’re almost done, but there’s a few more things to do back in Boring Springs first. Head to the merchant and exchange the soap for the lock and then get the silver pocket watch. Give the door back to the Sherf and set the lock in place.
Now take your nifty shovel and shovel all those piles of poop around town if you haven’t yet for some extra experience and another missing mug. Head to Doc Alice’s and give her the whiskey you picked up earlier. Go through all the dialog options and fully search her house, including preening and reading all the books.
If you haven’t yet, go into the character menu and spend XP to increase Moxie to at least level 3. Now go to the gambling table and choose the bet crazily gambling options. When given the option, use the Hornswaggle, Outfox, or Intimidate options for maximum meat earnings.
Betting Crazily with 3 Moxie
Turn in all your missing mugs for a hefty meat reward. Head over to Crazy Pete one more time, and make sure to sell everything you don’t need. At this point, you can return to the Orehole Mine and set the elevator to level 40 if you want to turn the game on hard mode, otherwise just ignore that bit and head to the edge of town.
Pick your pardner and saddle up! If you followed this guide exactly, you should have 1,337 meat in your pocket (after spending the meat to buy a horse), unlocking the Fistful Of Cutlets perk.
That’s absolutely everything you can do in the Boring Springs prologue, filling your saddles with all the XP, items, and meat you’ll need to head to Dirtwater and begin the game’s main story.
