I’m used to getting destroyed in Call of Duty and being mocked for how awful I am. I have grown accustomed to watching my opponent run up the score on me in Madden. But getting yelled at by a teenager in Grand Theft Auto Online was a new experience, and it made me realize I have a lot of work to do as a parent.
I was just cruising around Los Santos in a sweet convertible I jacked from some unsuspecting NPC, when all of a sudden I received an invite to join some other people online in a job. None of my crewmates were online currently, so I decided to check it out and have some fun. It ended up being a deathmatch, which I was actually excited for, because, as a new player to GTA Online, I am still trying to grasp the whole teamwork idea. The game began, and I immediately scored a kill using my pistol to gun down an unsuspecting opponent.
“Alright, I can hang with these guys,” I thought to myself, not even suspecting how bad it was about to get. Right after recording the kill I heard a young, loud, and shrill voice blaring through my headphones, and though it took me a while to figure out what he was saying, I eventually realized he was talking to me.
This kid was upset that I shot him in the back. He was screaming that I must have cheated somehow, or was spawn camping (even though the game just began seconds prior to him getting shot). He was screaming belligerently at me, and while it was at first funny, it became less and less funny the longer it went on. This kid would not let up, calling me every name in the book, deliberately hunting me down in-game to take me out. And it’s not that I minded being a target in the game, I’m used to that online, but I could not tolerate his expletive-laced tirade any longer, so I eventually just shut off my console entirely.
The worst part about this situation was that no one else spoke up to tell him to shut up. Several other players had headsets and were communicating in various ways with other players in the game, but no one took a stand against this guy who was personally attacking another person. Look, I can handle some punk kid calling me names, it’s really not that big of a deal, but what bothered me about this situation was how accepted his behavior seemed to be.
I don’t know who this kid’s parents are, and I’m not here to judge them, but the whole situation made me realize how important parenting is when it comes to raising decent, tolerant, and polite kids. Growing up, I would never have acted this way, or else my parents would have made sure I never played video games again. And to think about my kids growing up and acting this way really doesn’t sit well with me. I have two girls, and the thought of people treating them like this just makes me furious.
Rather than just complaining about it, I have a few ideas that I hope all of you gamer parents out there will take to heart and implement into your parenting. If we can take the lessons we learn from our own experiences and share them with our kids, they stand a chance of living in a world where playing games online doesn’t mean it’s ok to get berated, abused, or threatened.
#1. Play games with your kids
This should be the easiest and most fun of all my solutions. Just sit down with your kids at as young an age as possible, and teach them how to play games. Teach them what different consoles are available, the differences between a platformer and an RPG, and how to properly save their game so they don’t lose progress. Teaching kids the basics of gaming at an early age can help open their eyes to all that is out there, giving them a great opportunity to discover some amazing games all on their own.
#2. Play games with your kids ONLINE
Depending on your child’s age, this one may need to wait until they are a little older. Don’t, I repeat DON’T get your kids into a game of Call of Duty when they’re five. But understand that at some point they will want to begin playing games like this, and you’ll want to be there when they do. Don’t let them get into an online match without you present, because who knows what kinds of things they will see and hear. You should be there to talk with them about what people are saying and how they’re acting.
If your child happens to get into a game where someone is calling people names and using bad language, you’ll want to ask them if they think that is appropriate. Ask them how it makes them feel to hear language like that, and if they think it’s ok to do be acting that way. Show them ways (if possible) to mute certain players so they don’t have to listen to it. Talk with them about appropriate responses when that kind of talk is directed at them. Again, it’s very important that you are present the first few times they begin playing games online. Don’t let them learn what is “acceptable” from toxic players in the community.
#3. Talk with your kids about what games have meant to you
Video games have been much more than just a hobby for me, especially in recent years. Games have become an outlet that allows my mind to relax and unwind from a long day. They serve as inspiration when I am in need of creative ideas. And now that I have kids, they are helping me bond with them in ways that weren’t available when I was a kid.
Games tell stories, and these days, some of these stories are just as good, if not better, than any book you’ll read or movie you’ll watch. The Last of Us for example, while dark and violent, is at its core a warm, heartfelt, and engaging story about the bond that can form between a father and a daughter (well, essentially). I would put that game up against any Oscar-nominated movie this year. Stories like these affect my life in a positive way, and this one in particular made me want to be a better father. Share these kinds of things with your kids so they understand that games are more than just flashing lights, loud sounds, and beating up on your friends.
#4. Spend time bonding with your kids away from games
This one should probably be the most obvious, but I have a feeling it is often overlooked, in particular by the parents of that fine young lad I encountered in GTA Online. Spending time playing games with your kids is great, and I would even say it is important. But even more so: get to know your kids on another level. What kinds of games to they like to play outside? Who are their best friends? What are their favorite sports, movies, books, foods, activities, songs, etc?
Kids need structure in their lives, and there will always be rules that need to be followed, but try to have a little fun with your kids, too. Let them stay up late to gaze at stars once in a while, find out what their dreams are. What do they want to be when they grow up? Who are their heroes? By spending time with your kids and getting to know them, you will naturally impart some of the wisdom you have learned over the years, and you’ll show them the proper ways to act and respond in various situations.
Final Thoughts
If you have children, I applaud you for making it this far in the article, because that either shows you have a real commitment to improving your relationship with your kids, or you are just scrolling to the bottom to write me a nasty comment. Either way, I hope that if nothing else, you will spend time with your kids away from video games. I want my kids to love games the way I do, but I want them to grow up to be intelligent, respectful, and wise even more.
My five-year-old is not even close to old enough to play Grand Theft Auto Online yet, but someday I look forward to going head-to-head with her in whatever action game is hot at the time. And if I’ve raised her right, she won’t mock and taunt me when she kicks my butt.
