In case you’ve missed it, cassette tapes are one of the more interesting collectibles inside Metal Gear Solid 5: The Phantom Pain. There’s nothing like stealthing around a corner to Fulton away a tank while blasting Europe’s “The Final Countdown.”
If you’re looking for the location of the cassette’s in MGSV, we have a guide for that.
But something is missing. A song so important, so obvious that I can’t imagine why it’s not there.
Pat Benatar’s “Love is a Battlefield”
You might be thinking “oh, Pat Benatar’s ode to youth and rebellion probably came out years after the fictional chronology in Metal Gear Solid V.” Well, you’d be wrong, for a couple of different reasons.
“Love is a Battlefield’ actually came out in 1983, and the Phantom Pain is set in a slightly fictitious version of 1984. That means that Pat Benatar would’ve been rocking out “heartache to heartache” for almost a year on top of the US and Australian charts before Venom Snake was stealthing his way through Afghanistan.
Metal Gear Solid V features a bunch of songs from 1983 — from the Midge Ure cover of “Man Who Sold the World” to Billy Idol’s “Rebel Yell.” But they miss one of the most perfect fits for the game — “Love is a Battlefield.”
Because IT IS a Battlefield
I mean, MGSV is on an actual battlefield of sorts set in the late Soviet occupation of Afghanistan. People are being brutally shot all around you. While Benatar’s battlefield was arguably more about pimp exploitation and teen rebellion, it’s still talking about the elements of warfare (“we are strong/no one can tell us we’re wrong”).
Ok, it might be a bit too on the nose. But it’s definitely accurate.
With that in mind, there’s the idea that Metal Gear Solid isn’t really a war-fighting series the way that a lot of other games are. In their book about Metal Gear Solid, Anthony and Ashly Burch write: “Kojima came up with an idea for a military video game that, unlike all the other military games of its time, wasn’t about fighting people.” So, maybe MGSV isn’t a battlefield.
Well, in that case, it’s definitely a love story
Wait, did you think I was talking about Quiet? I’m definitely not talking about Quiet. Let’s never talk about Quiet and her photosynthesis-directed nakedness ever again.
I’m talking about Snake and Miller. Or Snake/Ocelot. However, you ship ’em.
Ok, so this is a model swap, but it’s too cute not to include
This game isn’t quite as queerbaiting as say, X-Men First Class, but there’s definitely some homo-erotic tension going on there. And there’s nothing quite like ’80s Benatar singing:
You’re beggin’ me to go then makin’ me stay
Why do you hurt me so bad
It would help me to know
Do I stand in your way, or am I the best thing you’ve had
Believe me, believe me, I can’t tell you why
But I’m trapped by your love and I’m chained to your side
All while watching Snake and Miller get a bit too close on that first mission. Or the sheer amount of butt staring that takes place in this game in general. It’s a little bit about love.
It’s Damn Catchy
In spite of it’s rather strange opening, “Love is a Battlefield” is pretty catchy. It’s the kind of song that you’re probably humming right now, even though all I did was mention it and drop some choice lyrics.
It belongs right next to “She Blinded Me with Science.” It’s the perfect cassette addition to MGSV and for some reason, it didn’t make the cut.
So tell me, Hideo Kojima. Where is “Love is a Battlefield” in MGSV?