We’ve all been there playing our favorite game online, only to be assaulted by the general dicker-y that is other players, I recently wrote about how some of these players felt the need to send death threats to a developer, and I thought it was time to address the sorry state of gaming.
This has been written with a World of Warcraft slant.
5: Charles Dickens – The Storyteller
We’ve all met this person in games, and real life. The one who has a story for every situation. Personally I have been assaulted by their clearly fake stories in real life, and in World of Warcraft, and you can smell the bullsh*t from Westfall to Durotar.
Wow, you played Warcraft II on Battle.net when you were younger, yet you’re only 12! Was that in between potty training and learning to feed yourself?! Jog on liar.
4: The Clever Dick
In Raid Finder, brand new patch, don’t fear some random has apparently watched every single one of the PTR videos and knows exactly how to do the boss! I know right, should be great, except he doesn’t realize that all of the other 24 people in the group haven’t seen it.
His explanations are wooly at best, he begs to be made leader so he can mark or whatever, and he only knows the tactics for his role. This guy/girl would be awesome, if only they weren’t so righteous about it.
Calm down dude, explain it nice and clearly – and remember – its LFR, there’s going to be wipes.
3: Mr. Dick Down-ey Jnr.
This person hates the new patch. He hates the game. He hates you, he hates the developer, hell he probably hates candy and puppies.
He’s still smarting from a change made 5 years ago, and he isn’t afraid to tell you. This person often starts statements with “I’m totally sick of this game, it’s really gone downhill but…..” in the middle of a marathon 8-hour gaming session.
They complain and complain, but they still play, they buy the expansions or the DLC, yet they hit the Forums to complain about anything and everything. Yes criticism is good, but at least make it constructive, and useful to the developers, instead of a desperate cry for attention.
2: The Elitist Dick
He helped when AQ was first opened, in fact he was the world first Scarab Lord (he just “doesn’t feel like” using the title and “can’t find” where the fear of strength is to link) he was the first on the server to down the Lich King, he is the guy in General Chat who says you can solo the elite mob you need to for a quest (despite being squishy and a healer, and you’ve died 4 times trying).
We’ve all come across this guy, the guy who proudly claims he was born at 13:37.
Be proud of your achievements (11,715 points here baby), go on, you’ve clearly invested a lot of time, well done; just don’t be a jerk about it.
1: The Mr. Doesn’t Dicking Turn Up
Almost everyone is ready to go, you’re finally starting raiding with your guild, there’s 9 of you with flasks, food, all enchanted, gemmed and reforged – you’re outside the raid ready to summon your last member – usually a healer or a tank.
They’re not on Vent, or Skype, or Mumble.
They’re not answering their phone and they’re not on Facebook.
Essentially you’ve just screwed 9 people, ruined their night and the guilds progress for another week.
When you turn up an hour later having mixed up server time and local time your apologies mean nothing, half the group has logged off.
Addendum: I have been all of these on occasion and so probably have most of you.
It’s when we are consistently dicking about that it becomes an issue. I don’t want to hate myself, and I certainly don’t want to hate most people, except the opposite faction to whatever I’m playing.
And Gnomes. Screw them.