The most recent update of Welcome Home ARG focuses on audio. These are the voices of the puppets themselves. Some of the snippets are from shows, while others are direct communication with you. Both creepy and endearing, they bring the game to life in ways text can’t. For those that may be hearing impaired, all of them can be found by highlighting underneath the audio images. Here’s a complete list of all the Welcome Home ARG hidden audio transcripts.
All Welcome Home ARG Hidden Audio Transcripts
To note, these are not the same audio transcripts that can be found throughout the Welcome Home ARG website. Those are for included audio snips featured on the latest pages, especially the Media page. The ones below are just for the recordings found through hidden links.
Welcome Home Landing Page
The house drawing brings you to the I page. The audio here is: “There you are, welcome home, hahaha.”
Welcome Home! Page
- Help: “What are you waiting for? To hear me again? Ha ha ha! I think… That means you can hear me.”
- Will: “That’s what an eye looks like. My eyes are black. What color are yours?”
- Answer: This one is a pretty long scene between Frank and Barnaby.
FRANK: [Excited, with pep] These sorts of flowers, though they appear blue, don’t actually have any blue pigmentation! They have to grow in soil that is basic as well, so the pine straw should be left for the other beds-
BARNABY: [Interrupting, distant] You’re telling me that those flowers are liars, Franky?
FRANK: [Exasperated sigh] I am not telling you that these flowers are liars, Barnaby. I’m talking about how these flowers are specially selected to look this way.
BARNABY: Eh, bein’ blue isn’t anything special, pal. Don’t ya know that blue is all the rage nowadays?
FRANK: [Annoyed] I don’t think that people are painting themselves blue, frankly. Are you saying your fur color isn’t natural?
BARNABY: [Feigning insult] I beg your PARDON! I am a natural beauty as far as you know!
FRANK: I doubt you’re any sort of beagle. I’ve never seen any blue dog before in my life! Now if you don’t mind, we’d like to continue tending to my flowers in peace!
BARNABY: You’re gonna have to do more than tend to ‘em if you want ‘em to grow up nice and big. You know what they say, you gotta entertain your plants to make em happy!
FRANK: That’s true… but I am not going to let your snappy patter poison my petunias! I’d hardly call your material entertaining, much less fertilizer!
BARNABY: Oh, don’t you worry, Frank! The last thing I’ll do is overwhelm your orchids. Your plants all seem clover it!
FRANK: [Annoyed, groaning] Not with these puns again! You’re going to make all of my hard work wilt! Your humor is too dry for my impatiens!
BARNABY: Hey, hey! Not a daisy goes by where you don’t get impatient… but hey, I’m just pollen your leg!
FRANK: Will you just get out of here! My plants don’t need your ridiculous jokes to grow, go find an audience for your silly gags somewhere else!
BARNABY: [Backing away] Alright, alright I’ll grow… But every dogwood has his day! I’ll still poppy in from time to time, even if you’re still rough around the hedges!
[Frank grumbles loudly.]
FRANK: [Aggravated] Honestly with him! I don’t know how you can stand to be around him, Wally!
About Us Page
A: “I have more eyes than I did before. You know how to draw eyes. You draw mine many times. I know it is thanks to you, neighbor, that I can see. But it is still… I can’t… See.”
SALLY: …Then the maiden fair with golden hair greets her kingdom and asserts herself as the new queen of her domain!
JULIE: [Clears her throat and begins to dramatically recite her lines] As queen of this land, my first decree… Is to make hopscotch mandatory every day! Two pebbles! All the way up to twenty! No- Thirty spaces!
SALLY: Hopscotch? [Sound of flipping through papers] That’s not in the script-
JULIE: My second decree is filling our moat with scrumptious breenberry ice cream! Up to the top! Enough for all of the citizens to enjoy!
SALLY: …B-Breenberry? [Sound of pages flying in the air] What is breen? Juliet Joyful!
JULIE: For my third decree-
SALLY: Those are not the words! You’ve gone so far off of the script that… That I’m not sure where we are anymore!
JULIE: Ooh, don’t worry! I know where we are, Silly! We’re in the Kingdom of Sweets, remember? I’m the beautiful maiden fair with the golden hair- The princess of pastries!
SALLY: Yes, yes-
JULIE: Who is now the Queen of Pastries! [Her tone quickens] After a series of events where her father, the King of Cake, gets eaten by a big beastly billowing bear made of broccoli! Oh Sally, that scene was so sad!
SALLY: The story, Juliet, the story!
JULIE: Oh right, right! So after I show him who’s boss, I go back to my palace and take back my throne!
SALLY: If you know the story this well, then why would the Queen want to fill her moat with breenberry ice cream or declare a hopscotch law after enduring a harrowing journey of self discovery and vengeance!?
JULIE: Oh! I don’t know! She just seems like a fun lady!
SALLY: [Hums in thought] …I suppose indulging in the finer things in life would make her character more well-rounded… Alright, Juliet, proceed!
JULIE: Thank you, Sally! [Clears throat] For my third decree… You all have to listen to me recite my favorite colors in order of my most favorite color to my least favorite! Starting… now! Pink, Yellow, Red… No no, Green? Blue… Orange, Breen… [Continues in background]
SALLY: [Sighs] Such is the life of artistic collaboration! Wouldn’t you agree, Walliford?
I: “Do you like to draw? I do. Do you know how to draw an eye? First, you draw a circle. Next you draw a smaller circle inside. Then you color it in.”
JULIE: …Well I think I’m plenty funny, Barnaby! Frank thinks I’m a hoot and a half!
BARNABY: Only a hoot and a half? What happened to the other half? [Laughs]
JULIE: [Sound of indignation] Oh, you-!
BARNABY: Sides, Frank wouldn’t know a good joke if it walked up to him, introduced itself, and handed him its business card! Punch line and all!
JULIE: [Said with a pout in her tone] He would too! You know, Barnaby, you’re not the only funny one in this neighborhood!
BARNABY: Oh yeah? You might be right, Julie! Howdy’s a pretty funny fella too-
JULIE: Not Howdy! Me! I have a joke that will knock your hat off! I’ve been working on it all week!
BARNABY: [Snorts in amusement] Hoo boy, all week? It took you that long? You hearin’ this, little buddy?
JULIE: Oh, I’ll show you, Barnaby! [Clears throat] What did the number three say to the number two after beating him in a game of checkers?
BARNABY: Oh no, here it comes-
JULIE: I One!
BARNABY: [Pretend howl of pain] That was just doggone terrible! Just pawful! I think I’m gonna need a doggy bag!
JULIE: Oh it was not, Barnaby! It was a good joke! Don’t you get it? One is a number but it also sounds like won! You know, when you won a game!
BARNABY: [Another bark of anguish] Now she’s explainin’ it! Oh- When will the agony stop?! I’m just a little pooch in peril! Bury me in my favorite sunny spot, kid, I’m goin’ into the light!
JULIE: Oh Barnaby, you’re just rotten! It was too a funny joke! Wasn’t it, Wally?!
POPPY: …-Pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, and just a scoop of peanut butter! Gelatin works too, of course, but I always like to spoil myself with a little something extra, but that’s just between us!
FRANK: [He laughs with her.] Of course, I’m no gossip! I suppose gelatin can’t always be relied upon too… Still, I think it holds perfectly sliced fruit beautifully, I think that ought to mean something! You know what, Poppy, no one understands gelatin’s potential! It’s like they say, you eat with your eyes first!
POPPY: They do? Oh- Well- Now you’ve got me worried about this new recipe! It’s not very… Erm… Well, visually appealing.
FRANK: Oh no no, forget what I said! We’ve worked so hard on this- In fact, I bet these could be shaped with one of my copper molds!
POPPY: You’re right! Maybe that one you have shaped like a butterfly, Frank!
FRANK: Oh that’s right! Such a shame butterflies aren’t fond of seed- Or muffins for that matter… This recipe could have saved my garden.
POPPY: Oh dear… You know what? I’ll try to think up a recipe that’s sure to have them…! To make your butterflies do a… [Poppy hums in genuine thought.] Well, I’m not sure how to tell if a butterfly is happy…
FRANK: Whatever you decide to make will have them all aflutter, Poppy! I think our experiment is done too-
POPPY: You’re so kind to say that, Frank- O-Oh, be careful! I wouldn’t want you to burn yourself-
[Sound of tray being set down]
FRANK: I’m alright! You’ve taken all the necessary precautions to ensure my safety- Oven Mitts, aprons, a second pair of oven mitts-
POPPY: Perhaps we could use a third pair of oven mitts…
POPPY: You’re working with such dangerous appliances! Who knows what could happen at a moment’s notice! Oh goodness gracious, just thinking about it is making my feathers fall out-
FRANK: [Said reassuringly] No, no, no! Don’t get yourself started, Poppy! I would rather be careful than throw caution to the wind anyhow! Besides, we’re safe and sound here… Wouldn’t you agree, Wally?
HOWDY: …So my brother Charlie tells my sister Dolly that our brother Barley’s cousin Henry is turnin’ over a new leaf! But if ya ask me, Barn, a caterpillar’s always turnin’ over leaves! …We just call it a salad!
BARNABY: So you don’t believe the poor guy? Sounds like you’re just given’ him the short end of the stick.
HOWDY: Short end of the- [Befuddled sound] We’ve given that clown the whole branch!
BARNABY: So he’s a clown too? Now you’re speakin’ my language, Howdy!
HOWDY: You wouldn’t believe what happened next- So my brother Chuck wished our brother Buck good luck on gettin’ that cluck Henry to straighten up and fly right!
BARNABY: Fly? Wait, wait, wait- he’s a butterfly? I thought he was a caterpillar!
HOWDY: [Lets out a small laugh but quickly catches himself, tutting Barnaby] You’re bein’ a wise guy, Barn, but I’m serious! Then- You’re not gonna believe this- Outta the blue comes our sister Sue and her brother Drew talking to my sister Dolly about gettin’ Henry on a trolley to see our aunt Molly-
BARNABY: Woolly Aunt Molly?
HOWDY: Woolly Aunt Molly, Barn! On my father’s left hand side- My left, not yours! Maybe… My upper left hand-side!
BARNABY: [A hint of playful sarcasm] How could I get that confused?
HOWDY: But long story short- Molly tells Henry to listen to our cousin Barley and my brother Charlie who insist they’re through with my sister Sue and her brother Drew and to get back on that trolley and talk to Dolly about gettin’ his act together!
BARNABY: Oh brother-
HOWDY: No no, Dolly’s my sister!
[A brief pause, then both start laughing uproariously]
HOWDY: [Slowly winding down laughter] I know I can always talk to you, Barn. I tell ya, havin’ a big family ain’t easy- Too many things to keep track of.
BARNABY: You’re right about that- I’m just listenin’ in and I can barely keep track! The only family I got to keep track of is my dear, sweet Mama.
HOWDY: That’s right- Y’know, next time she comes around, you oughta let me serve her one of my strawberry soda pops!
BARNABY: Nobody makes ‘em like you do, pal. Speaking of which… How’s that drink treating you, Wally?
Find: “…I can’t hear you …Do you know who I am? We’ve looked into each other’s eyes so many times. You’re looking at me now.”
EDDIE: [Thud as he runs into wall] Oh- Pardon me, ma’am!
HOWDY: Well if it isn’t our reliable mailman! Either that or my delivery decided to sprout legs and go for a walk!
EDDIE: [Grunt, running into another wall] Nope! It’s me! Sorry, I think I might’ve overestimated how much to bring at a time, Howdy!
HOWDY: [Snorts] No kiddin’. [Sound of Eddie struggling] Say, Ed, how about you give my goods a break from your fumbling before they turn into bads.
EDDIE: Oh right! [Grunts; sound of boxes being set down] Sorry about that, Howdy- I guess I’m just in a rush today- I’m a little behind with my delivery run-
HOWDY: [Feigning interest] You don’t say.
EDDIE: I do say! I feel like I’m gettin’ tossed around by my own parcels- What kind of life is that for a mailman?
HOWDY: [Only partially listening] No life at all, Ed!
EDDIE: But before you know it, I’ll be back on schedule and back at the Post Office! I just got a new set’a stamps I’ve been trying to organize! I can never decide between color and shape- [Small “oh” of realization] Sign here, please!
HOWDY: Sounds like a busy day ahead of you, Ed! Speakin’ of busy- You reminded me about a special order I need delivered!
EDDIE: Oh no- Don’t tell me… It’s the bowling balls Julie ordered…
HOWDY: [Overlapping with Eddie’s exact words] It’s the bowling balls Julie ordered![Sound of box of bowling balls slamming down on the counter]
EDDIE: …Right! You got it, Howdy! [Pained sound; strained as he continues to talk] I’ll get ‘em to her faster than a-
HOWDY: Faster than a bee carryin’ wax to a honeycomb! Sounds good! Make sure it gets to Jewels all in one piece!
EDDIE: [Befuddled, struggling] R-Right! …Can bowling balls break? Er- Uh- Have a good day, you two!
HOWDY: You have a good one too, Ed! [Long pause, laugh] Boy, that fella can talk your ear off. Let’s hope he doesn’t run into anybody with that order, ey, Walls?
[Sound of Poppy knitting and humming. Door slams open and Poppy yelps.]
HOWDY: [Shouting, audio getting closer as he walks in] Delivery here, I’ve got a delivery here for one Ms. Partridge!! Courtesy of Howdy’s Dependable Door-to-Door-to-Door Delivery service!
POPPY: [Overlapping his dialogue slightly] Oh-!! Oh my feathers, Howdy, you frightened me!!
HOWDY: Terribly sorry, ma’am, suppose I shoulda knocked–
POPPY: Oh, no, no, that would’ve frightened me too. Oh, is that my order of yarn? Thank you!!
[Sound of a rustling paper bag.]
HOWDY: It sure is, Poppy! Hot off the shelves, just the way you like ‘em! Boy, looks like you already got a horde here that’d make a dragon jealous! Whatcha need even more yarn for? Not that I’ll turn down a sale, heh-heh.
POPPY: Oh, just working on some scarves and sweaters and such. I want everyone in the neighborhood to have something warm to wear when winter comes along– it feels like these changing seasons keep sneaking up on me!
HOWDY: Ha, I hear that! Never enough daylight to get everything done. Course, it helps to have an extra pair of hands!
[Howdy laughs at his own joke; there’s a smaller, polite Poppy laugh underneath.]
HOWDY: [Coming down from laughing] Hah… seems like you know that already, though. I can see you’ve recruited an extra pair of your own today!
POPPY: Oh, y-yes! [Aside voice] Thank you again for your help, dear– [directed towards Howdy again] And thank goodness for it. I was worried I was going to get all tangled up with all these colors of yarn…!
HOWDY: Hmm, I can see why. It’s a real risk!
POPPY: I-it is??
HOWDY: Well, sure! But lucky for you, I think I might have something to help… behold!
[There’s the sound of a hand-crank mixer rotating, followed by a terrified Poppy squawk.]
HOWDY: No no, nothing to fear here!! What you’re looking at is a bona-fide yarn spinner, perfect for keeping all your extra neatly spooled up! Safe, effective, and– [crank sound again as he demonstrates] no pesky batteries or electricity to fret over!
POPPY: Oh! Well, that– that does sound helpful, doesn’t it…
HOWDY: Sure does!! Here, tell you what– today only, as an extra-special deal for an extra-special customer, you can give ‘er a whirl! No strings attached! Well, no strings but the yarn, that is, ha HA!!
[As he’s speaking, there’s some quiet “oh, I, well” type stammering from Poppy.]
HOWDY: Well, I’ve already overstayed my welcome– got a whole shipment back at the shop I’ve gotta sign for! I’ll check in on you and your new wonder-device next time I bring you an order, Poppy. Till then!
POPPY: Oh, b-b-b-but– [Howdy’s footsteps fade out and the door closes; resigned] …all right then. [heavy sigh] Oh– oh, I don’t know how to work these things, but, well, he was so insistent it’d be helpful… Do you think you can help me figure this thing out, Wally?
[A long period of silence follows before three rings are heard. A pause follows even as the phone is answered before the sound of a heart beat can be heard below the ambient noise. This audio track constantly raises and lowers as it proceeds.]
Hello? Hello? Helloooo? … Ha Ha Ha…I’m only kidding. I know you’re there.
Did you like my joke? …I think you were going to say… Yes! …Ha Ha Ha… You know… It is hard to hear you think through this funny phone of mine. It is as though you aren’t speaking at all. Maybe it is just a little fuzzy… Like me. Speaking of…
[The heart beat and ambience stop abruptly.]
…Do you know who I am?
[The heart beat and ambience resume.]
[Gasp.] Oh no. Well that’s not neighborly at all. We’ve never met before. But don’t worry. Even though you and I haven’t spoken before, I’ve seen you… Every time you have looked into my eyes. I want to know… What did you see?
I hope you saw a friend, but I’m not sure you saw a name… Stand still. Let’s start over. Ring ring ring. Click. Hi, I’m Wally. I’m so happy to finally meet you, I think you’re the absolute most.
Uh oh, I have to go now. Everyone is probably thinking about that strange phone call. It is funny to think about. …Ha ha ha… Don’t worry though, neighbor, it will be a little joke between you and me. You have to go too. You have work to do. Remember, until you hear me again, keep your smile merry and always know that I love you very much.
FRANK: …So they just won’t leave my tomatoes alone- And who am I to shoo them away? Isn’t a beetle just as permitted to partake of my plants as I am, Julie?
JULIE: Posilutely absotively, Frank!
FRANK: But I’ve taken such good care of them- I read to them every day, I water them the perfect amount-
JULIE: [She playfully accentuates his words, trying to mimic his annoyed tone] Oh you do! You pour a whole book on them and read them a water on their little heads and everything!
FRANK: [Exasperated] Julie! I’m serious!
JULIE: [Laughs] Oh, I’m sorry, Frank, I’m only teasing- You know, if this is bothering you so much, you should have a little sign just for those bugs! It can say, [Said with a lower pitched voice] ‘Terrific Tomatoes! Look but don’t touch!’
FRANK: [Sound of amusement.] What makes you think they’re going to be able to read all that?
JULIE: Well they’ve got big beautiful eyes, don’t they? Like big ol’… Saucer plates!
FRANK: Oh Julie! Don’t be so rude! You wouldn’t like it if they said that about you!
JULIE: Said what about me? How lovely my hair is? That I put just the right amount of polish on my horns?
FRANK: No, more like, ‘that Julie Joyful with her nose like an orange!’
JULIE: Oh? [Laughs] If they said that, they’d also probably say, ‘Oh! That Frank Frankly with that banana on his face!’
FRANK: Banana?! [Laughs] Well if they’re going to be so rude in my garden, maybe it’s best they don’t get to partake of any more tomatoes then!
JULIE: That’s right! [Thoughtful hum] Well… How are we going to keep them out? Maybe Howdy’s got something in his shop!
FRANK: Howdy is more inclined to sell us canned laughter than he is to sell us something actually useful! Besides… I don’t think he liked my rendition of A Flea and a Fly.
JULIE: Oh don’t you fret! I’m sure we can come up with a wonderful joke between the three of us! Isn’t that right, Wally?
The Playfellow Exhibtion
Understand: “Do you like Home? Home is my house. Do you have a Home too? Do you hear it too? You can hear mine.”
POPPY: –pleased as poppyseed punch you asked me to make this cake for you, really, I-I-I– well– it’s such an honor!
SALLY: Oh, I’m sure it is, darling! Now, let’s get down to brass tacks.
POPPY: Oh, ah, well, I don’t think I have any of those – I don’t like to keep anything too sharp around here, you know–
SALLY: Details, Poppy dear, details.
POPPY: Ah! Of course. Of course! N-now then, what do you think you’d like?
SALLY: What would I like? Poppy, this is going to be on stage. It’s hardly a like, it’s a need. And it NEEDS to be BIG! BOLD!!
POPPY: Ah, b-big, big, yes… maybe, three tiers, then?
SALLY: Only three? Hah!! Dream bigger, Poppy!!
POPPY: O-o-oh, ah, um– y-yes, yes, suppose it is a big neighborhood, better to play it safe– [little chuckle] and you, ah, you do know I love to play it safe, dear!
SALLY: Ah, ah, ah, but not too safe! After all, this needs to be a showstopper! It needs to have beauty! Pizzazz! DANGER!
POPPY: D-danger? Oh, oh, oh my feathers, I don’t know how I feel about making a dangerous cake…
SALLY: Ahh, tut-tut-tut, my feathered friend! You’ll do great, I’m certain of it. There’s no one else in the neighborhood I would trust with this! [under breath] And not just because you’re the only one here who can make something that doesn’t come out of a gelatin mold.
POPPY: Oh-!! A-a-ah, well, goodness me– you’re going to make me blush!
SALLY: [Satisfied chuckle] So! I take it you have everything you need?
POPPY: Oh– um– w-well, er, not quite– see, when I asked what you’d like, I thought, maybe, you would have a flavor in mind…?
SALLY: A what?
POPPY: W-well, a flavor. You know, ah, we could do chocolate, or vanilla, or sprinkles, buttercream, butterbell, butterscotch…
SALLY: Oh. Hm. To be honest with you, I didn’t think that far.
POPPY: …you didn’t think about the flavor?
SALLY: [Lightly defensive] Well the audience can’t taste it from their seats, now can they?? Ohh. What do you think, Wally?
Those are all the hidden audio transcripts in Welcome Home ARG. What clues are hidden in their meaning? To learn more about playing, check out our guides for the game.