Why Metal Gear V Is a Game For Babies Made By Children

Metal Gear Solid: The only game where you can stop an enemy convoy because your horse went boom-boom on the road.

The controversial fifth chapter of Hideo Kojima’s long-running, long-winded, and insanely strange Metal Gear Solid series was met with a lot of criticism. It wasn’t long enough; it didn’t seem finished, and it’s ridiculous plot with parasites and body doubles and Skullfaces made zero sense whatsoever (and in a game series featuring the ghosts of psychotic telepaths inhabiting the bodies of beautiful women who now live in robotic war-suits, that’s saying something!).

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But maybe the most pointed criticism of MGS V: The Phantom Pain is that it was kind of childish. Like, really, really childish. Anyone who has played through previous entries in the series knows there is a certain amount of Japanese humor built-in: the character of Johnny is always having bathroom issues, some people like to get grabby with your dudely bits, and the ladies seem to forget how to zip their suits all the way up, but MGS V: TPP takes these jokes to a new level of ridiculousness, for sure. 

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Justin White
Gamer. Writer. Master of Snark.