Dear Gamer Santa,
I have a bone to pick with you. Many years ago you did not deliver the Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Model Air Rifle I begged for Christmas letter after letter. I was devistated at the time, but now that I am older and wiser, I have decided that perhaps you would like to make up for the event in my life that lead to years (not to mention all of the thousands of dollars) in therapy.
My therapist recommends that I ask for a cash advance. Now, I know gifts that come in envelopes may not be the reindeer’s knees to some, but this girl loves a good, bulky envelope as much as an elf loves a jingle bell. I am a business woman, you see, and although the price of that rifle was a small sum back in the day, it has been many years and with interest, I believe the rifle would be worth a good $1,000 today.
I accept cash, credit or check. You know where you can find me.
Merrily,
The Kid Who Never Had the Chance to Shoot Her Eye Out
