The Ancient Tale of Emperor Xannytoes (GSWW 1.5 Challenge Winner)

Xannytoes' somewhat pretentious response to the GSWW weekly challenge.

All praise Emperor Xannytoes! The first of his name! Lord of all things fluffy! Herald of –

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Is he gone? Good.

If I have to spout one more word about him… Oh, hello there. Want to know about our ‘glorious’ emperor? Very well then, sit down and pour yourself a drink. We’re going to be here for a while. 

Emperor Xannytoes (named after a Star Wars character and the wiggly things on your feet) was born on the 18th of November, 1996. He began gaming at a very young age. His father would often gift him with consoles and the greatest titles of the era. Xannytoes spent most of his childhood battling trainers on Pokémon Stadium and playing secret agent on Goldeneye (to this day, he claims to have conquered the Aztec level with an unarmed Bond).

In his later years, his quest for the best gaming experience led him to loot several GAME dungeons, finding rarities such as the GameCube and the original Xbox. His hunger however, was by no means easy to satisfy. His excursions to gaming stores often claimed vast sums from the royal family’s treasury. 

Xannytoes isn’t one for fighting. Rather, he prefers to influence events from behind the scenes. Sitting in his swivel chair, his silver tongue is capable of turning friend against friend and, on one occasion, has caused the death of an entire raiding party. (That is what happens when you don’t let Xannytoes join you for a spot of dragon slaying). When adventuring, he’s fine going solo or taking a few close followers with him. Just be ready to put up with his stories. 

Should Xannytoes be forced to battle, he will often elect to dual-wield swords or pistols. Because let’s face it, dual-wield looks pretty darn cool. He will most likely attack head-on, attempting to overwhelm his foe with speed and sheer strength. If the need arises, the great emperor might throw in a sprinkle of magic or two. 

Xannytoes makes himself seem like an amiable guy . But adventurers beware: he is vicious. Should you happen across him, do not engage in battle unless you’re well-prepared, preferably with a few allies. And do not trust him. Or you might become dragon fodder. 

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Image of Xannytoes
On the run from twenty-seven law agencies for mooning the Queen of England, Xannytoes is currently hiding somewhere in Northern France. He spends his days fighting off farmers, and keeps himself occupied in the evenings by writing for GameSkinny.