You know that class in middle school where you go to the computer lab and you’re supposed to be doing work but instead everyone is just playing video games? Of course you do. So that must mean that, like me, all your friends and loved ones fell victim to the addictive online game Cookie Clicker, a game where you click a cookie to make more cookies and level up to upgrade items to give you more cookies until everything is just cookies.
But what if you don’t like cookies? (Is that even possible?) What if you’d rather spend your valuable time and clicks on something more substantial, more worthwhile?
Well, it’s time to start picking out your bridesmaids and finding something blue, because you can tap your way into matrimony with developer Masukachi Inc.‘s own clicker game, 10 Billion Wives. Or, if ten billion isn’t enough, 20 Billion Wives. Or, if you want some husbands, 10 Billion Husbands.
Found in the Google Play store or on iOS, these games function essentially the same way that Cookie Clicker does: tap the screen to earn more Love Per Second (LPS), and when you reach a certain number, unlock more wives. No, there aren’t actually 10 billion different wives or husbands for you to marry and unlock, but there are about 15 spouses per game.
What’s more, as soon as you reach a certain number past the highest level of the spouse, you can unlock special pictures to see what they’d look like outside of their charming chibi style.
But tapping your way into the hearts of 40 billion spouses takes time, determination, and a willingness to make it work. And though Masukachi Inc. gives you the option to buy your way into their hearts a lot faster, there is a way to reward patience and hard work without spending any money…If you’re up for it.
So here’s a few tips and trick to marry all your wives and lock down all your husbands without having to empty your wallet or give up with only ten wives married and two special photos in your wallet.
Patience
I hate to say it first and I can’t save it for last, but if you really want to marry your wives and commit to your husbands, you’re going to have to have some patience. I know it’s easy to lose focus when you see the required LPS increase to unreachable heights, but the only way you’re going to see the Special Illustration (obtained by unlocking all 50 achievements in game) is if you have the patience to sit through a few days of not unlocking anything at all.
I know you can do it. Prove to your spouses you can, too.
Take advantage of the easy start
It’s usually a given when you start a new game, anyways, but when you first start 10 Billion Wives, go crazy. Tap and don’t stop. Unlock everything you can. It’s easy to unlock the first few spouses within the first hour of playing because, as I mentioned in a previous article, when players meet their goals quickly, they tend to want to continue playing.
So I suggest tapping and upgrading and unlocking for as long as you can, until you have obtained all that you can in a short amount of time, before you finally have to close the app because you have real things to do (maybe even real people to woo).
Set goals and follow them one step at a time
It’s easy for our eyes to follow the bigger, better thing. After a while, you want to watch another wife march across the screen added to the mix, there to greet you when you come home. Their silhouette has been haunting you since the beginning of the game. You need to know who they are. You need to know.
But you know what else you need? To beat this game without losing your mind. It seems easier to unlock all the wives and then get all their upgrades to make them contribute more LPS, but don’t fall for this.
Take your first wife, Apron Wife. Apron Wife adds 1 LPS as soon as you unlock her for 15 LPS. After you upgrade her, she adds 20 LPS. Her final upgrade adds 120 LPS.
It’s a lot easier to unlock all of Apron Wife’s upgrades first before moving on to unlocking the other, more difficult wives to obtain. Certainly unlocking Archer Wife seems more appealing than working solely on one wife at a time–and your first wife, at that.
But that’s not why you’re here, reading an article about how to beat these games. You don’t want to just unlock the wives. You want everything.
And the best way to do that is to give yourself goals and finish those goals to completion before you move on. Get all your upgrades for a particular wife first before unlocking more wives. Then you won’t have to worry about that wife ever again (except to love and to cherish her). Don’t overwhelm yourself.
And give yourself a sense of completion, too. That’ll motivate you to finish the game (one wife down, fifteen to go!).
Multitask
But even with the small goals and the little victories, the higher brides and grooms loom, ever unobtainable, and their upgrades are nigh impossible to conceivably reach. You’re done tapping. You’re tempted to spend money. You want to give up. You’ve got all the spouses unlocked, and you can just google the Special Illustration. Nothing matters anymore.
Wrong, my friends. Wrong.
Remember who you are, Simba: a player who wants to get all the achievements by sheer force of patience and perseverance. It’s possible. One way to help would be to multitask as you tap.
Like binge-watching but feel like you’re wasting your life away?
Tap for wives.
Like listening to podcasts but want something to do while you listen?
Tap for husbands.
About to listen to Stephen King’s It on audio book but want to do something during those 44 hours and 57 minutes?
Tap for marriages.
You’ve made it this far. You are almost done. Don’t give up just because the only way you can win now is by tapping. You can do this; just find something else to do, too.
Frequently open the app
10 Billions Wives does accumulate LPS when the app is closed. It’s nice. It means you don’t have to multitask if you don’t want to. You can close the app before you go to sleep and know that when you wake up, LPS will have grown without you.
But you also know that when you’re gaining upwards of 100,000,000,000 LPS and you wake up eight hours later to find only about five times that amount to be added to the number of LPS you went to sleep to, something went wrong.
Obviously the developers want you to actively be playing the game, and they’ll reward you if you do and penalize you if you don’t. But when you’re waiting to unlock the final upgrade on the Wife of Wives, you can’t casually play anymore. You have to sit a few days and wait for the LPS to grow on its own, and I’m going to let you in on a little secret: it’s not going to grow on its own very fast. I’m sure there’s a math formula for it (exponential decay?). You can’t let it sit for a few days without opening the app, expecting to see the amount you need waiting for you.
You’re going to have to work for it.
Good news is you don’t have to work that hard. Seriously. You don’t even have to tap anymore. Just open the app as often as you can, and the game acknowledges you were there an hour ago and gives you a closer amount to the LPS that should have accumulated during that time.
Marriages are hard work, even in the virtual world. You’ve got to be ready to commit time and energy to your spouses if you want something good and lasting. (And I’d really rather not go into the metaphor of how money makes everything easier.)
So settle in, settle down, and marry your wives and husbands, but be prepared to work for it. Have some tips of your own? Let us know in the comments!
